Title: guess i’m contagious (it’d be safest if you ran)
Fandom: shadowhunters
Rating: teen
Length: ~2600 words
Author notes: also for ladiesbingo, title from k.flay's blood in the cut


Izzy is eight years old the first time she stumbles into the seelie realm. There are mermaids with shiny scales and fruits as large as herself, butterflies that cast giant shadows, and resplendent greenery every where she looks. It is a lucky thing she doesn’t leave the riverside, her mother finding her quick when she storms into the realm.

Her mother speaks of worldly obligations and staying put, but Isabelle only half-listens. The other realm is fantastic, and one day she will return.

.

The years pass by and it isn’t until Izzy’s fourteen that she’s even allowed to go alone outside. Maryse doesn’t trust her- not like the boys- but it doesn’t matter anymore. Izzy’s read everything she can find on the fae, from mundane to shadowhunter records; by all accounts she is too old to wander into the realm again alone.

The knowledge doesn’t help the hunger, always beneath her tongue, ready to return.

.

Izzy’s first big save is at nineteen. Alec’s was at seventeen, and Jace, the overachiever, saved his first mundane family at thirteen- he wasn’t even on a mission, playing hooky. It isn’t surprising that hers is later, most of the research she does is inside the institute. That she was even handed an ongoing case was a surprise, until she read the killer had moved to only targeting downworlder children. (She really hates her mother, hates the institute, hates their society, sometimes.)

Her stomach still twists at the thought of it. She and Briarfoot had gone to check on a lead, finding far more than either anticipated with the killer’s lab. Her mind wouldn’t stop categorizing everything she saw, mundane legends of what hurt downworlders all over shelves with pages of notes for each item and the effects on different species. There’s notes on werewolves and seelies and nephilim, and her distraction costs Briarfoot’s life.

Fifteen minutes later, she eliminates the threat. Luckily her wounds are shallow enough for the healing rune. He looks small like this, suffocated from her whip and scrunched up.

It’s the first mundane she’s ever killed. Mundanes were weak, they were taught, detainable. Some of them had decent weapons, but they weren’t supposed to be dangerous- not on an individual level.

Untying his latest victim- a young faerie that not only looks, but is seven years old- Isabelle doesn’t regret it. The girl introduces herself as Tasia, and promptly passes out.

Izzy carries Tasia to the faerie realm. It isn’t that she remembers how to get there, or even that she’s been listening in bars and reading spare reports for details. (Because that never worked before.) It’s more that there feels to be a right way to go, and nothing else matters. Not the two bodies left behind, not that she should report back or call someone at least, nothing.

Isabelle jumps into the river, and Tasia wakes up on the other side. The realm is nothing like she remembered, a large dark forest ahead of them. But the beauty- striking, almost painfully so- is just as she recalls.

Tasia pops out of her arms, grabbing her hand with a grin and tugging her into the forest. “C’mon you have to meet my parents, they’ll be so happy!”

Izzy follows with a searching gaze, taking in all she can. Tasia runs, and she runs too, can scarcely believe her eyes at the creatures they pass. An owl with a lion’s body, a frog with a horse’s middle, leaves that reach out to brush against them as they run by- magic like she’s never seen.

They get to a clearing, Tasia dropping her hand to launch herself at her three parents. Izzy smiles, looking away for some semblance of privacy. The other seelies do not mask their stares, and Izzy wonders if it’s a culture thing or something else. Thinks of all the shoddy books back at the institute and wonders how much she could learn here. (But should it be shared? A quieter voice in the back of her mind asks, one grown from the atrocities she’s seen, from the lack of justice she’s witnessed. And no, perhaps some knowledge is not meant to be shared. Her younger self would be appalled at the thought.)

“I am Wesana,” one of Tasia’s parents says, and it’s clear this is who she gets her looks from, the same deep curly brown hair and bronzed skin. “Come, I will bring you to our Queen.”

She’s being led again, and Izzy follows before her brain can catch up. Their Queen- the woman who refused to enter talks with the Clave after the Circle fiasco, the woman who could easily decide the fate of any given war.

Wesana walks her to the throne, squeezing her shoulder once before returning to Tasia. The queen wears the face of a young red haired child, hundreds of ladybugs crawling up her arms. She giggles and shakes them, the entire group taking flight at once, a blurry mist that shrouds the chair momentarily, disappearing in a blink.

“Isabelle Lightwood,” the Seelie Queen chirps, standing up. “I wondered when you would grace our halls.”

Her eyebrows come together, and for everything she’s heard of the fae, prophesy hasn’t been mentioned before. “How-? I mean, they’re very lovely halls.” Awkward phrasing, but sincere- there’s a gorgeous parallel row of birch trees, branches intertwining a dozen feet up creating an outdoor hall.

“You are fae-touched,” the Queen says, as if that explains everything.

Izzy bites her lip, but the words push past. “What does that mean?”

The Queen laughs, a high titter like smashing glass. “You have options dear.”

She waits a moment, and the Queen continues on gesturing to their surroundings. “Do you know why we are special?”

Izzy gulps, doesn’t want to answer incorrectly and cause offense. “Because you have the least limitations of any species?”

The Queen grins, hundreds of tiny sharp teeth glinting. “We don’t flicker out like the wolves, we don’t slaughter ourselves in an eternal power struggle like the vampires, we don’t slowly fade away, assimilate like the warlocks. We are eternal, we will outlast this universe and the next.”

The certainty sends chills down her spine, and Isabelle doesn’t doubt for a moment that she means it.

“Our magic is everlasting and our impressions deep. It is only a wonder little Lightwood, that you remained away for so long.”

Izzy smiles wistfully at the sky peaking between branches. Just over a decade ago, and she knows she can’t stay this time either. She can already feel how very much she’ll miss this realm, how the hunger will slip beneath her tongue again, drying out her mouth.

“I did not forget.”

The Queen nods, “We owe you a great boon. Little Tasia would have been the first of our children in many a century to be killed, a great tragedy. Think upon what you want from us.”

Iz’s mind goes wild with ideas for her family to those of all people, from patriotic to the most self-serving. Faerie magic can truly do anything, She could ask for demonic entrances to be sealed, or to learn the nature magics, or for help locating long lost artifacts.

“Can I have time to think about it? Not too much, I do need to return soon.”

The Seelie Queen folds her fingers together, “You may. You are young still, do not know what you want. Kaelie,” she adds, the seelie joining them. “Is one of my knights, she will show you our world while you decide.”

.

Izzy doesn’t know how long they spend exploring, a silver unicorn agreeing to carry them all over the land. There are forests with trees tall enough to block out any light, mountains so high up that they can’t see the ground, only fluffy white clouds, rocky beaches with water that stretch out infinitely, blending into the horizon. She might like the colorful canyons best, layers and layers of rocks in blues and oranges and whites.

They pause in a field full of flowers, golden blooms that seem to chime whenever the wind blows. The unicorn takes a nap, all stretched out with a few small birds nestled into her mane. Kaelie and Izzy walk up the rolling hill, staying in sight of the unicorn but moving out of its hearing.

“I don’t understand how this is supposed to help me choose a boon,” Izzy confesses. Kaelie raises an eyebrow, and she quickly adds on, “I am very grateful, your world is… incredible. But I still must return soon, it’s likely already morning back home.”

“You are fae-touched,” Kaelie says. “You can return from when you came.”

Izzy doesn’t miss that she ignored the first part, and the answer comes to her slow, she blames the surrounding splendor. “Your Queen doesn’t think I’ll leave.”

Kaelie grins, “To allow a shadowhunter to live with us would be granting a great boon indeed.”

It’s like all of her childhood dreams twisted, only she has her siblings, her parents, her people- she can’t leave them all behind.

“I can’t stay,” Izzy says, and Kaelie nods.

“Then you should at least experience a proper faerie party before you leave.”

She smiles, supposes it won’t make a difference as long as she returns. “Lead the way.”

.

The party feels like a waking dream. They are in a clearing in the tallest forest, the only lighting thousands of fireflies, flamed wings beating bright. Isabelle is dancing and dancing, an otter-wolf in her arms, and her feet never tire. There are drinks that taste like sunshine, music that soothes and excites her soul all at once. She’s met many of the seelies, though none of them dance with her. She talks about science with Wesana, worlds with Meliorn, and a dozen other hazy topics with seelies whose faces she recalls but not their names.

“I have one more thing to show you,” Kaelie says. She brings her to a nearby river, the music’s beats still close enough to thrum in her bones. There’s a babbling waterfall, a small cave hidden behind, and they’re both soaked, sitting on the ledge inside.

“When I was a young and foolish- and very impatient- child, I sat here and wished for a companion.”

Izzy glances at the lapping water around their calves, kicking her feet. “And did a fish jump out of the water?”

Kaelie laughs, “No. You did.”

She blinks, “What?”

“I didn’t know until later. Fae children, we grow up alone- it takes a village, safety and such.”

“Okay?”

“I had just started learning nature magics, and I wanted a friend my age.” Kaelie blushes, “I hope you didn’t get in too much trouble?”

The music thumps louder, little waves in their pool of water. Izzy giggles, holds her hands, “I forgive you.”

And they laugh and dance and kiss, joy echoing off the cave walls, until they fall asleep.

.

In the sober morning light, Izzy has no regrets, but she does need to return home. Kaelie does not seem to be surprised, walking her back to the Queen.

“Could you come with me?” Izzy asks, hurriedly adding on, “Would you want to?”

“I go where my Queen needs me. If I am sent to your world, I will find you.” Kaelie leaves her with one last kiss, and Isabelle approaches the queen.

“Our young shadowhunter,” the Queen greets her, and she walks closer. “Have you decided what you want?”

She’s tempted to ask for Kaelie, or at least for her to be stationed on earth. But those positions must be most dangerous, and she has no wish to cause harm or resentment. (She can’t imagine her own reaction if a new friend, a new lover, were to decide her job.)

She should ask for help, a pledge for the faeries’ aid in the next great war. She should ask for help instilling peace in the mundane world. She should ask for something that does good.

She doesn’t.

“I want the ability to come back here.”

The Queen snickers, butterflies buzzing around them. “But mortals never judge such timings well.”

“And you can?” She winces once the words come out, but she doesn’t take them back.

“Magic can,” The Queen says, gently touching her throat. She pulls her hand away, a cool heaviness remaining, a pearl pendant. “As long as you wear it, when it is time, you will return to us.”

Izzy goes back to the river that leads to earth, doesn’t need a guide this time. A chickadee-chipmunk flits about her through the forest, every step felt. Shadowhunters don’t often think of personal happiness, and she already aches for more of its sweetness.

Kaelie waits beside the portal, and Izzy can’t help wondering if it’s a last test to keep her here or to make her leave. Closer to home it’s easier to remember all the reasons to be wary of the fae, of all those that entered their realm and never returned.

“I will not see you for many seasons,” Kaelie says, and once again Izzy’s struck by the reminder that the fae only believe in set futures.

Izzy nods, “Until then.”

Kaelie steps forward in a burst, clutching her face and placing a delicate kiss upon her lips. She tastes like winterberries now, fitting for their parting.

“You won’t take the necklace off.”

.

Going back to earth is like going from cellphones to telegraphs. Nothing feels as bright or beautiful, and the city pollution is harder to ignore than ever. She goes back to the killer’s lab and while it feels like ages ago, nearly no time has passed here, the lab identical to before.

Iz shakes off the chills, and calls her brother. Over the next few days she closes up the case, discovers a deruned shadowhunter had been selling information to the killer. They are sent to Idris the same day as the funeral for Briarfoot.

She becomes almost single-minded in doing her duties. There’s helping the world, spending time with her family, and waiting to return to the seelie realm. Partying has lost its flavor, and even the most beautiful of people don’t inspire more than a quick tumble.

Izzy doesn’t wish to live like this- like she’s waiting for her real life to begin again. She hungers, she misses Kaelie, she goes to sleep with the pendant in her palm, and yet, she remains in this world.

War returns with a man believed to be dead, with a long hidden daughter, and mortal instruments, and Izzy spends more time in the field than her lab. A cup is discovered, and everything takes a turn for the worse, the seelies locking themselves away in their realm.

Every day is full of death and killing, and Isabelle can’t go, but she also can’t stop dreaming of waking up in a golden meadow, Kaelie beside her. There is only peace to be found in her dreams, and as a shadowhunter she isn’t supposed to yearn for such a thing- but she does.

Quick, brutal lives, Kaelie had said, pushing her hair behind her ear. Stay, she had implored, a kiss to her shoulder.

She kills the demon-child masquerading as one of their own, desecrates the body until only a god could bring him back. His mother comes for revenge, Lilith, and they’ve never had the good luck to get weak enemies.

Lilith rips her heart out, and it seems a fair trade. Izzy saved Max, and he still looks around parts of this world in wonder.

.

Izzy comes out of the river into the seelie realm, eight years old again. Only this time, she knows her mother isn’t following. This time, she can feel the magic differently, how it hums and beckons beneath her skin.

This time, she is not lost, and with a laugh, she runs into the forest.