Fandom: Torchwood

Characters: Jack, Ianto

Author: m_findlow

Rating: PG

Length: 1,954 words

Content notes: none

Author notes: Written for Challenge 248 - Book

Summary: Jack's memoirs make for interesting reading.


Jack waved goodbye as their latest visitor to Cardiff disappeared through a bright white crack that seemed to appear out of nowhere, and which blinked into nothing almost as quickly as it had appeared.

'That was one for the scrapbook,' Ianto muttered.

'I really need to write that book, Jack said, leaning back casually against the side of the SUV, slipping his hands deep into his trouser pockets.

Ianto gave him one of those cheeky little smiles that played across his lips. 'I'm sure you could, but who would believe any of it?'

Jack scoffed at the comment. He wanted to deny it but found he couldn't. There were times when he could hardly believe it himself, all the things he'd seen and done. And that was before he'd been made immortal. He'd traveled to the very ends of the universe, met all kinds of people and species of alien, snogged most of them and bedded at least half. He'd never been promiscuous, but once you started experimenting it was very hard to stop. Why waste a lifetime with regrets about the things you'd never done? The wonder and variety of life was there to be experienced and enjoyed.

He could write about the times that he'd discovered why Perennaxials had that fourth appendage, and about the bizarre mating habits of the Elvons, which included warbling and new uses for big toes which Jack had never considered pleasurable until he'd experienced them first hand. The human body was really very limited in its abilities when you compared it to other forms of life, though he'd certainly been taught that it could have a great many uses, and almost all of them pleasurable. He could advise on the best way to become a living vessel for the mating of a species of Tarnution that resembled a small soft shelled crustacean, which was as erotic for the host vessel as it was the threesome inside him doing the mating.

And speaking of mating, then of course he'd have a whole chapter dedicated to perils of forty second century technology and the finer points of the male pregnancy. That was something he'd never thought he'd do, and after his experience, would never do again. Surrogacy was a whole lot harder than he'd thought! He'd gladly leave childbearing, if he could have called it that, given what he'd been gestating, to those with the naturally occurring anatomical requirements.

Of course, his romantic escapades would only be one part of his book. To really get the full story he'd have to go all the way back to those first days after he'd left the Boeshane Peninsula, and talk about the Time Agency and his academy days. Now that the Time Agency was defunct, there was a whole bunch of stories he could tell. Naturally he'd have to hold some things back - after all, that was the problem with being a Time Agent, there were things that had yet to pass in this timeline in which he'd been involved. He couldn't risk ruining the future just for the sake of a few misplaced memoirs.

Oh, to go back and relive some of those missions! He'd met so many amazing people, as well as a handful of dictators and despots, and it had been his job to put an end to some of their terrible governments. Nothing made him prouder than serving justice to parts of the universe that needed it. It hadn't always been easy, and he'd been in some pretty dire situations - captured, tortured, incarcerated - but he'd always made it out in the end. From almost the very first moment he walked down those academy corridors, carrying books on the history and culture of dozens of key civilizations, he knew that this was what he'd been destined to do with his life. He wasn't just a pretty face - The Face of Boe - though his appearance had certainly helped him make friends and win over strangers on many a mission.

He wished he could tell the story of how his life had come to change so much, and the events of that fateful day his memories had been stolen. His tenure at the Time Agency had ended abruptly and without warning. Two years of his life erased with no explanation. What had he been doing, and what had been the tipping point that had made the Agency decide to take action against him? Even to this day, he still felt a bitter resentment. He reasoned that he'd either done something or witnessed something so terrible and so horrific that it was simply too dangerous to leave that memory intact. He prayed it was the latter, but suspected it might be the former. Though he'd meted out justice, he'd also crossed more than a few lines to make it happen. Only he knew what darkness was inside him and what he was really capable of if push came to shove. Perhaps it was better he didn't know.

Fast forward a few years. There he was, making the most of the skills he'd acquired from his Agency days and living off the proceeds of crime. Well, crime was a harsh word. He'd merely taken advantage of many a situation that would fall profitably in his favour. Those were the glory days. The places he'd traveled and the things he'd seen were too numerous even for him to recall. He'd danced and drunk and partied his way through every casino, star liner, and pleasure planet this side of the known galaxy. After all, there was no point in making money if you didn't intend on spending it.

He'd always been good at living by the seat of his pants, and coming up with schemes. It never occurred to him that after the Time Agency he should go and get a real job, settle down somewhere and maybe meet a nice girl, or boy. He'd seen too much and experienced too much of the thrill of blood pounding adventure to be able to ever give it up now.

Of course, not all his plans panned out. He'd made some colossal errors of judgment over the years; running for his life completely naked across the dunes of Kalbasie; three days of vomiting after he'd been forced to consume the drugs he was meant to be selling, rather than get caught, which it turned out didn't have quite the same effect of human physiology as they did his intended buyers. And then there was that time he'd really gotten his timing wrong, ending up arrested and sentenced to execution by firing squad. Still, it hadn't ended so badly. Amazing what a few hypervodkas and a night of mind blowing sex could do to change a few minds. He half wondered if he was the first, or only one in a string of many, who'd managed to sleep his way out of an execution.

The good times kept rolling on, at least until his last con job had gone terribly wrong. Perhaps if he hadn't been so taken by Rose Tyler, hang from that barrage balloon in that union jack t-shirt - and then enjoying the way she hung on his every word, letting him woo her in a way that came as naturally to him as breathing - he might have figured out the error he'd made in dumping that Chula medical ship in the middle of war torn London. Not that it mattered now. If he'd thought he'd been having fun beforehand, it was nothing compared to the adventures he had afterwards with the Doctor and Rose. He'd never stayed anywhere more than five minutes, and certainly never struck up anything more than a fleeting acquaintance with anyone. Now he had friends, real friends, to laugh and joke with and get into all sorts of scrapes. The Doctor had a nose for trouble in the same way Jack had one for making a quick buck. But all the while he traveled with his two new companions, he hadn't once given a thought to money. He was having too much fun. He planned on staying with the Doctor as long as he could.

Like any good story though, he knew even his would have to come to an end. He'd lived hard and fast, so it shouldn't have come as a surprise that it would end rather much sooner than planned. He wasn't going to die an old man. He was going to go out young and handsome, full of the vigors of youth, and guns blazing.

Or not. And now his story really got interesting. How many people could say they'd woken up from death and found that it could no longer touch them? Well, not permanently, anyway. And so began another chapter, one that began with his resurrection and ended with his being stranded on the planet Earth, exiled there for a century and a half until he could pick up from where he'd left off, rejoining the Doctor for more adventures.

Every good book has a moral to it, and for Jack, it was that time changes everything. No matter how much of it you have and how much you think you'll never change yourself, life forces transition on you. From innocent child to rising star at the Time Agency, ruthless conman to devoted companion, another change was on the horizon. A century of working for Torchwood taught him that life was not black and white, but a multitude of shades of grey; that doing the right thing sometimes meant doing that wrong thing, and that being responsible for others was a lot harder than being responsible solely for yourself.

If he penned the words, he'd tell the reader that returning to life with the Doctor wasn't the same as it had once been. He saw now the heavy burden of having to look after other people, and how easy it was just to go along for the ride without ever giving it much thought. Jack had become just as protective of his companions as he had been the team he'd left behind. Was that the moment, he'd reflect, when he realised that despite his long life so far, he'd finally grown up and understood his place in the world. He'd been given immortality without understanding what it meant and what purpose he had, but now he knew. Like his dear Doctor, he had a job to do, upholding the good, fighting the bad, and protecting the innocent. That part of his story was only just beginning.

And without question, he'd have to have an entire chapter dedicated to the love of his life, Ianto Jones. Just when he'd thought he'd give up on falling in love, and all the pain it would cause to have to say goodbye to yet another person who would never understand what it was to have to live forever, Ianto had walked into his life. Jack had fallen hard for the man, quite literally, having dislodged himself from a soon to be unconscious Myfanwy, crashing into the reluctantly waiting arms of his future companion for life. His renewed faith in love had since been rewarded a hundred fold. Love had been missing from his life, but now that he had it, he knew there'd be many more adventures and happy memories that hadn't yet unfolded, but when they did, they'd definitely be worth committing to paper.

'You'd have to have it illustrated.'

'Huh?' Jack said, Ianto's question interrupting this thoughts.

'Your book,' he clarified. 'Unless of course you've kept photos on that,' he added, nodding at Jack's wrist strap.

Jack chuckled then sighed, wrapping an arm around Ianto's waist. 'You're right. No one would believe most of it anyway.'