snowynight

When Spock left the bridge, Jim had to rush to catch up with him. "A game of chess tonight?"

"I have to supervise an experiment in Bio Lab 6 tonight so I must decline your invitation." Spock replied.

Excuse, Jim thought, as it was the fifth time Spock rejected his invitation in ten days. It was no use cornering Spock, so Jim said lightly, "You work too hard, Science Officer. Maybe I should look into it."

"It is not necessary." Spock left quickly.

Jim signed inside. They had a mission tomorrow. He wondered how he could survive it with Spock avoiding him whenever he could.

Two months passed after the event on Vulcan, but clearly Spock still had trouble with it. He retreated into his shell and turned "super cold blooded hobgoblin", as Bones colourfully put it.

Jim go it. It must be like the worst nightmare come true to Spock: strpped of all control,  his shameful secret exposed, abandoned by that woman at his wedding… Not to mention the guilt of nearly killing his best friend, despite Jim's reassurance that he was forgiven, if any absolution was needed.

In some way It was almost like a familiar dance. After a revealing moment, Spock retreated, frightened of intense emotion (not that Spock would ever admit to the feeling). He would remain a super Vulcan until he managed to suppress everything and return to normal. However, this time no end was in sight.

"What do you think about Planet Valor?" Jim asked Spock.

Spock stared at a spot above Jim's head. "It is a M class planet suitable for colonization. No signs of sentient beings so far." He also kept his distance from Jim.

"We're going to stay planetside for several days. It'll be awkward if you keep ignoring me."

"I am not ignoring you, Captain."

A strong current rocked the shuttle. Jim rushed to the control panel to keep the shuttle stable, while Spock pointedly didn't join him.

The shuttle rocked so much that Jim crashed against the wall.  Pain gulfed him as he fell unconscious.

When Jim woke up, his ribs and leg hurt when he tried to sit up.

"Please stay still, Captain." Spock said while setting his leg. "You have bruised ribs and a simple fracture in your right leg."

Even breathing was painful. "Report."

"We crashed on a plain. An ionic storm prevented the Enterprise from beaming us back. It is likely the cause of our crash."

Great. Now I am struck with Spock in nowhere. I can't even chase after him if I want to, Jim thought. "Any suggestions?"

"Please take a painkiller." Spock handed him a pill and helped him with the water bottle. "Our best option is to stay in the shuttle and wait for rescue. I will leave supplies with you while I survey the surrounding area to collect water and firewood."

"Stay safe," Jim said. "Don't get into any trouble."

"It is not my intention to get into any trouble," Spock replied.

The night was freezing. Jim shivered despite the fire Spock set up.

"Captain, as the temperature can drop below zero degree Celsius outside, I suggest that we preserve as much heat as possible." Spock said, looking uncomfortable.

Jim lifted the corner of his blanket. "Get in here."

Lying side by side, Spock's muscle felt as hard as stone to Jim. It's getting ridiculous, Jim thought as exhaustion drove him to sleep.

Great pain in Jim's leg woke him up during the night. He took a deep breath. Then his ribs made themselves painfully known.

Spock sat up. "Jim? How are you?"

"Go back to sleep," Jim said. "It'll pass." Then he hissed in pain.

Spock checked up his leg and ribs, handing him painkillers and water. His shoulders and back were slumped.

Belatedly, Jim remembered Spock's touch telepathy. He is feeling my pain. Jim tried to move away from Spock to spare him, but a spike of pain stopped him.

"Stay still," Spock said. Jim could hear his distress.

"Not your fault. I brought it on myself."

Spock froze. "I cannot understand your tendency to accept blame for my fault. You apologize when I...."

Vulcan. He's talking about Vulcan, Jim realize. He caught Spock's covered arm. "Mr. Spock, you know me best among everyone. Do you think I'm the martyr type?"

"Jim, you behave illogically when I am concerned. I cannot rationalize your behaviour."

"Yes, you hurt me," Jim said, sensing that Spock flinched from his words. "But you know what? On Vulcan, you tried to save me from my big mouth even when they said you shouldn't be able to speak. You are dying, but you still want to protect me. This is why I can forgive you, because how can I not forgive a friend who remains by my side when his mind and body are out of wrack?"

"I get that it's not easy for you, but isn't the Vulcan way to accept the reality and develop a way to move on? You're hurting us when you keep punishing yourself. Please, my friend, let it go."

Jim's heart sank as Spock remained silent. His pain returned fiercely.

"Will you let me meld with you to lessen your pain?" Spock asked, sounding nervous.

"Sure. Go ahead." Jim tilted his head.

When their minds melded together, Jim felt like floating in a warm sea, all his pain fading away. He projected welcome and trust, hoping that Spock could sense his sincerity.

When the Enterprise beamed them back, Bones confined Jim to the sickbay. Spock stayed by his bedside holding his hand until his shift began, so Jim knew that they were all right now.