Title: Remorse
Rating: PG
Length: 960-ish
Content notes: Mentions of past character death
Author notes: How do titles work at 15 to midnight? What are words?
Summary: Umi wakes from a nightmare she cannot escape and seeks the company of a friend. (Umi & Clef - Pre-Relationship)



Umi sat up in bed crying. It was the same dream. The one she'd had for months since it happened. Some nights she would wake up screaming, seeing only the face of rage bellowing towards her, shrieking for her to die. Other nights, like tonight, she would hear the heartbreaking plea to grant Emeraude's first selfish wish and end her suffering.

But two words echoed in the dark even as Umi woke in a cold sweat, trembling and choking back sobs.

'Thank you.'

Why did she have to thank them for what they did? That, somehow, hurt worst of all.

Bedclothes clutched tightly to her, Umi took three slow, deep breaths in an attempt to calm her nerves, but she knew there would be no going back to sleep. She never could.

Scrubbing her eyes on the sleeve of her nightdress, Umi threw back the covers and crept quietly out of bed, trying not to wake Hikaru or Fuu - who were still sound asleep in their own beds - while pulling on something more like appropriate clothing for traipsing about a castle filled with other people.

She didn't dare put on her shoes until she was out the door. She'd gotten too far. If they woke now, they'd be upset - especially Hikaru - that she hadn't woken one of them to talk to. But she didn't want to talk. Not really. What she wanted as a quiet cup of tea and maybe some equally quiet company. Waking Hikaru or Fuu would get her company, but not the tea. Going down to the kitchens could get her tea, but could also summon some not-so-quiet company if she misjudged how to work the kettle again.

Which was what had led her only halfway down to the kitchen, to a door she now knew far too well, despite them only staying overnight every so often in the year since the reformation.

Umi was past knocking now. Everyone else just walked in if it was unlocked, so why shouldn't she?

For a door that was well over three times her height - a ridiculous height for any door - it swung away from her as if it weight nothing with she pushed.

Seemingly undeterred by the late hour, Clef as still hard at work at his desk. A mountain of paperwork sat on either side of him. Whichever one he was working from, they were both more than he could conceivably finish before going to sleep. The scratching of his pen on the paper stopped when she stepped into the room. He lifted his head to look at her, those serious eyes not nearly as disconcertingly opposed to the child-like appearance he still held.

"Umi." Her name was soft and carried a current of worry as he stood.

"Mind if I sit with you a while?" she asked, hoping he wouldn't say no. Not that he ever had, but one day she was going to wear out this welcome, she was sure.

"Of course not." He waved a hand to the empty chair across from him before walking around his desk to the little work area against the far wall to put on the kettle. Just as he had the last few times she'd been in.

By the time she had crossed the room - with slow dragging steps - and flopped down into the chair, Clef was handing her a steaming mug of tea. He hadn't even asked this time. Had even he asked the last time? Umi stared into her cup, perhaps hoping the rippling steam would have the answers, but the only response she got was the sweet-spicy scent of the herbs from the restful tea blend.

Umi kicked her shoes off and drew her feet up into the chair, as she curled around the hot drink and listened to Clef start back to work again. Sipping the tea as slowly as she could Umi watched his pen move across the page, halting at an edge and tapping in a way that would definitely leave a large splodge of a mark before going back to scratch out a word and write over it. His hands were trembling and the dark circles under his eyes made her wonder how long it had been since he'd had a decent night's sleep as well.

But she didn't feel right asking him about it, not yet. It wasn't that she was afraid of him - Umi had never been afraid of him - but it just didn't seem like her place to be asking why he wasn't sleeping. And it wasn't like she didn't know he had plenty of very good reasons not to be sleeping well himself, but working through it didn't seem like a very good idea either. Some rest was better than none, right?

When she set down the empty cup on the edge of his desk, Clef looked up and said, "You should probably go back to bed."

"What time is it?" Umi asked, out of curiosity more than concern for the time.

Clef glanced at the clock and winced. Umi could only imagine what that meant because he only answered, "Late. Very late."

Her bed was comfortable and warm, but those memories that lurked in the dark recesses of her memory seemed almost farther away when she was sitting across from Clef. He didn't hate her for what she had done, who she had taken, and that was enough to keep the guilt at bay, if only for a little while longer. "Five more minutes?"

Clef nodded and went back to work.

When Umi woke the next morning, she was still curled in the - now reclined - chair, with a blanket over her, a soft cushion under her head, and no memory of any new dreams.