Title: Northern Star
Fandom: Twelfth Night
Rating: G
Length: 1,366 words
Content notes: Antonio/Sebstian, implied Antonio/Olivia/Sebastian
Author notes: n/a
Summary: Sebastian realises he made a mistake when he let Antonio go, so he tries to put it right.


Snow covered the roofs and turrets of the houses and palaces of Illyria as Sebastian made his way out of the palace gates. He could see his breath in the air as he stepped out. He felt grateful for the heavy coat and gloves that Olivia had given him.

The frozen dew cracked under his feet. He could see steam rising from the river below and the snowy woods in the distance. The cold brought him sharply to his senses and into a keen awareness of his own body and the reason for his excursion.

Sea captains didn't have forwarding addresses, that was true enough, but for one determined enough, there were means to find out the whereabouts of a certain seafarer from harbour masters and innkeepers and such.

He had felt some measure of guilt towards Olivia, naturally. Their marriage had, quite literally, been a mistake, but it was nevertheless a union before God and the Law that must be honoured in some way. And it wasn't as though they hated each other – they had grown together over the recent weeks and months. But Sebastian had always felt incomplete, and once he realised why, he had started down this path. He had done it in secret at first. But then, one night, weakened by drink and the exhaustion of watching their relationship fraying at the edges, he had confessed it all to Olivia.

"I couldn't stop thinking about him," he remembered himself saying. "I've been looking for him. I don't know what to do."

And then, after Olivia had asked him softly what he wanted to do, and what would become of the two of them, he had held her hand tightly against his chest, kissed it, and then after a long silence, answered:

"Will you let me bring him home?"

When she finally answered, she spoke slowly and with deliberation, like one who chooses every word with great care.

"It would be very unconventional, I suppose. And make no mistake, it is a lot to take in even for someone who has seen what I have seen these last months, and me nearly betrothed to your sister myself! But assuming that he wants someone to bring him home..." She looked at him with a tender expression. "I think you're the one who should do that."

Sebastian looked back at her and let her kiss him, thinking that he had never loved her more than in this moment.

And so he found himself in his present situation, waiting at the quay side for a certain inn to open its doors where a certain seafarer was lodging while he waited for a ship to come in that would take him on.

Sebastian had been watching the swirls of the slow water for ten minutes when the doors of the inn were flung open so they cracked against the stone walls. Sebastian's chest suddenly felt tight and he closed his eyes for a moment. He wasn't too sure how Antonio would react, but if the whole purse fiasco his sister had told him about was anything to go by, he must brace for some strong words.

Be that as it might, he would never find out if he didn't go in. He straightened himself and walked towards the inn.

It was warm and homey inside. The woman behind the bar was brewing morning coffee. Sebastian ordered a cup for himself and warmed his fingers and nose before he tasted it. It was good coffee, something that he reckoned went down well with her guests.

Halfway through the cup, the moment was finally upon him. He was Antonio come out of a door at the back of the main room. He'd always been an early riser so Sebastian wasn't surprised that Antonio was one of the first guests to come down to breakfast.

Their eyes met across the room. Sebastian felt his heart jump into his mouth as he braced himself for Antonio's reaction.

Antonio blinked and stopped dead in his tracks. His face looked like he had seen a ghost. And to be fair, Sebastian thought, that was true in some measure, from Antonio's vantage point.

"Antonio," Sebastian said softly.

"Sebastian," Antonio replied, and straightaway added in a piercing tone," Or must I call you Sir Sebastian now, after your marriage into higher spheres?" There was a hardness to his features that hadn't been there the last time they'd met. Sebastian had some idea as to the likely cause of it. The thought made something twitch inside his gut.

"Dearest Antonio," he said, still softly. "I should never ask that of you." He made to continue, to say a version of the words he'd rehearsed over and over in the preceding week, but Antonio got there first.

"Dearest Antonio? How dare you call me that."

Antonio's temper was up, and rightly so, Sebastian thought. He knew he deserved everything that was coming his way, but it still smarted when the words hit home.

"You were happy enough falling into the bed of that Lady Olivia, one you hadn't even met, and leave your friend and protector to fend for himself. And now you come here, to a place where I live, and call me "dearest" and expect me to make like nothing has happened?"

Antonio turned away from him and ordered coffee. Sebastian swallowed.

"You're right. And I don't expect you to make like nothing has happened. A great deal has. I only ask you to – let me speak, and hear what I have to say. Do as you please after that."

Antonio was silent until his coffee arrived. Then he turned sideways, towards Sebastian, slowly, and nodded.

"D – Antonio," Sebastian began again, "I've come to realise that I've been very foolish in letting you depart out of my life as if you hadn't had the saving of it. Not a day has gone by that I haven't thought about you and what you did for me."

He inhaled. This was the important bit.

"I believe I know now that what you did for me, you did – out of love. And I would like to tell you that not only do I understand and honour that love, but I – reciprocate it as well; marriage to a stranger notwithstanding.

And so, dearest friend, if this still means something to you, and if you are willing to follow me only a little in this – I'd like to take you home."

Antonio looked at him blankly for a second as though he couldn't quite believe his ears. Then he took two slow, deliberate steps to cross the distance between them and Sebastian found that he'd been leaning forward in expectation because Antonio was closer sooner than he had expected.

The kiss happened with the same slowness. They were almost cautious to begin with, like they didn't dare believe it was real. Sebastian carded his fingers through Antonio's hair. He felt one of Antonio's hands on his waist, the other on his face, and leaned into it.

The kiss broke and they came up for air.

"What of Olivia?" Antonio asked. His forehead was leaning against Sebastian's.

"She knows of this, and she knows I am bringing you home if you want, " Sebastian answered. "But she is still my wife."

"I see," said Antonio and started to withdraw his hands.

"It will be unconventional," Sebastian urged, using Olivia's words. "But you won't be – this – we – won't be a secret."

Antonio seemed to deliberate, then bit his lower lip before he spoke.

"It will be a journey, won't it, lad," he said and his lips curled into a faint smile that warmed Sebastian's heart.

"That it will," he agreed.

"Do you know the course?"

"Not all of it, " Sebastian replied. "But there'll be three of us to figure it out."

Antonio took Sebastian's hand, then leaned forward and kissed him again.

"I'll have a star to navigate by," he said. And as he went off to pack his sea chest and settle his bills, Sebastian thought that, while life from now on would never be dull and hardly conventional, he would be able to weather any storm in Antonio's company.