Title: The Lance of Hippolyta
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Rating: G
Length: ~550
Warnings: Brief references to canon character death(s)
Prompt: You can probably make out the reference to Capricorn if you squint. I always thought those fish-goat things would make great Buffyverse monsters. Also written for the Love Bingo prompt "marriage of convenience."

Summary: There are always random rules for winning the special weapon of whatever to defeat the latest bad thing. Most of the time, those rules are insanely stupid.



Buffy let out an impatient breath. "What was it you said, again? That the hocus-pocus on this Castle of Anonymous –"

"– Chapel of Aenenelous –" Giles supplied.

Buffy didn't pause. "– Would only let a woman in to get the Lance of Hippo-lady –"

"Hippolyta," Giles interrupted again, which earned him an eye-roll when Buffy stopped to breathe.

"– which we need so we can fight off the goat-fish demon things. That's what you said, right?"

Buffy glared at Giles as he started to remind her of the name of the Ngaguash demons, and he decided that he had, perhaps, pushed her patience as far as it would go in this case. He hid his smile under the pretense of cleaning his glasses. "That does sum it up, yes."

"So why can't I get in?" Buffy shoved hard at the seemingly empty air of the cave mouth again in demonstration. Neither of them were surprised when she was forced back a step. Again. "I think you read the parchment wrong, because last time I checked, I was one hundred-percent fighting for the girl team."

"That's almost certainly the problem." Giles peered through the gloom of the cave mouth to the runes carved inside, though he wouldn't be able to read them at this distance if he hadn't already deciphered the scroll. "It's a very old spell; under ancient definitions, you might not qualify as an adult."

Buffy narrowed her eyes at the runes. "What? I need my ancient driver's license or something?"

"You're not married, and you've never had a child. In many cultures, you would still be considered a youth without going through one of those transitions, regardless of your age." Giles sighed and turned away. "I suppose we'll just have to find someone in town who qualifies –"

"– And ask them if they'd please walk into this dark cave and fetch this thing for us - and we both know it's never that easy anyway. Oh, and then they'll need to run the hell away from the beach before the demons come? I don't think we have time." Buffy glared briefly up at the sky; the moon would rise in less than three hours, and with it the Ngaguash would rise from the depths. "I think it'd be faster to get married."

Giles blinked. "You're joking."

"Nope. Let's find ourselves a preacher, or a broom to jump over, or - Does it have to be an ancient wedding ceremony, or can we just shove cake in each other's face and call it done?"

"Buffy. I'm not sure –"

"I'm sure." Buffy turned her glare on him. "I've killed more things than I can pronounce. I've buried my mother, and friends I couldn't even bring home to bury. I've closed a hellmouth and come back from the dead. Twice. I am a motherfucking adult and I am not going to let some stupid spell tell me otherwise!"

She yelled the last part, the sound of her voice echoing back harshly from the cave mouth. Buffy looked briefly chagrined and hugged her arms tightly around herself. "You're already listed as my next of kin anyway," she finished more softly.

Giles cleared his throat and considered cleaning his glasses again. "I'm. I'm flattered."

"You should be. I wouldn't be making this offer to just anyone." Buffy took his hand gently, and smiled when he met her eyes. "Come on. Let's get hitched."