vix_spes

Obi-Wan wasn’t entirely sure how best to describe how he felt as he stood watching Qui-Gon’s funeral pyre. There were so many emotions swirling through him but, without a doubt, the overpowering sensation that he felt was one of abandonment. Oh, it was tangled up with a healthy amount of anger, loss, regret, hurt and frustration but the feeling of abandonment was almost overwhelming and Obi-Wan wanted nothing more than to be able to retreat back to the rooms that he and Qui-Gon had been using in the palace, bury himself in Qui-Gon’s spare robe and just sob.

He didn’t care that this swirling mass of emotions was unbecoming of a Jedi – particularly a newly knighted one – even if he was surrounded by members of the Council including Master Yoda and Master Windu. All Obi-Wan cared about was that he was alone, that his Master was dead, that Qui-Gon had abandoned him.

It was hardly the first time that Obi-Wan had been abandoned or indeed the first time that it was Qui-Gon that had done the abandoning. There had been Bandomeer, Melida/Daan, New Apsolon and the Council Chamber on Coruscant barely two weeks ago. No, Obi-Wan Kenobi was very familiar with the sensation of being abandoned. Indeed, a small, somewhat cynical part of him would describe it as a very old friend.

What he wasn’t familiar with was the feeling of helplessness that he was currently subject to. On previous occasions, he had always had hope. Hope that Qui-Gon would change his mind, hope that his master would return. Now, there was no hope. Qui-Gon was dead and as great a Jedi as he was-had been, there was no returning from that.

No, Obi-Wan would simply have to live his life to the best of his abilities, be the best Jedi that he could according to Qui-Gon’s teaching and just hope that it was the will of the Force that he would see Qui-Gon again one day.