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fan_flashworks

They had been together for everything else, so it made sense that now they would be together for this.

"Cordy?"

Cordy stiffened at the sound of Angel's voice in the doorway and wiped away her tears as best as she could before she turned from the crib to face him. She knew that her effort had been in vain from the sympathetic expression on Angel's face. Her mascara had been running, and her eyes were probably red by now.

He stepped closer to her, slowly as if he were trying to avoid spooking a wild animal. "Are you okay?"

Cordy stared down at the tiny hockey shirt she clutched in her hands. She had never seen it before today. Angel must have gotten it while she was off on her stupid vacation with Groo. The vacation she wished she had never gone on, considering that Wesley had kidnapped Connor in her absence and now Connor was trapped with Holtz in some horrible hell dimension.

"He was so little," she murmured. "Little enough to fit into tiny baby shirts."

Angel stepped closer still, until she was standing right in front of her. "Yeah, he was. I thought I might try to get him interested in hockey when he was older."

"One of the few sports where you could go watch his games without burning up to a crisp."

"Exactly." He tipped her chin up, forcing her heartbroken gaze to meet his. "Don't think I don't know what you're doing, Cordy."

Cordy bit her lip to contain another sob. She gripped the hockey shirt, which had set off the waterworks, tightly in her fingers. "We'll, we'll never get to see him play hockey, Angel. He's gone, and he might not ever get to grow up!" Despite herself, she started to cry again.

Angel wrapped his arms around her in a loose, shaky embrace, and Cordy leaned her head against his shoulder. She could tell that he was struggling not to cry himself. He didn't say anything, just gently shushed her and stroked his hand up and down her arm.

Cordy broke away and shook her head. "This isn't right. You shouldn't be trying to comfort me. You were actually his parent." That statement was true, but it didn't feel true. She was always "Aunt Cordy," but she felt so attached to Connor that the name never seemed quite adequate enough. She had tried to hide the extent of her grief for Angel's sake, but it was too powerful to not be expressed at some point.

Angel's grip tightened on her shoulders. "Don't do that, Cordy." She looked up into his eyes to see that he had a weary, yet determined expression on his face. "Biologically, you may not have been his mom, but emotionally..." Angel pauses to look away for a few seconds before he faces her again with a grim look on his face. "Emotionally, I definitely think you were. You loved him enough to be."

Tears began to leak out of Cordy's eyes again. "I did." She finally admitted it to herself, for the first time ever. And too late for it to mean anything but the fact that she wouldn't have to bear this pain alone.

Angel moved forward to embrace her again, and Cordy let herself fall apart against his shoulder for several moments. In the back of her mind, she knew that she would have to gently explain things to Groo later. She really should have never gone to Mexico with him. Groo was nice and sweet, but ultimately he was a fling. For all intents and purposes, she was practically married to Angel. She even had a child with him before Connor was taken. They were pretty much stuck together now, for better or for worse (and this, right here, is the worse). There's also the fact that she didn't want to leave his arms, ever, because this hug was somehow managing to comfort her even in the fog of grief. She only ever felt that way with Angel. Whatever broken pieces of her heart are left all belonged to the man holding her.

She could feel his shoulders trembling under her hand. She was a little more together by that point (only a brief respite, she was aware), so she returned the kindness Angel had shown her.

"Let it out, Angel."

He did, and Cordy ran a hand up and down his back as Angel wept for his lost child.