m-findlow.livejournal.com

Title: Monster like me
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Owen
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 933 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for Challenge 174 - Villain
Summary: There's a fine line between heroes and villains

He stood there in the darkness, watching the younger man sleep. Well, sleep was stretching it. Drugged was more accurate. Not his doing, though he'd been sorely tempted to pump him so full of retcon that he wouldn't remember the last two years, and dump him somewhere safe, yet as far away from Jack as possible.

Instead, Owen had sat there, innocently handing him a glass of water and telling him it was aspirin. He probably could have told him it was cyanide for all the notice he seemed to be taking of the world around him. For him, the world had stopped the minute Jack had put a bullet into his girlfriend.

He stood there and remembered the last thing Owen had said to him before leaving.

'Whatever you decide, perhaps it might be best if he didn't wake up again.'

Owen wasn't going to hang around to wait and find out. Jack was the boss and that was that. What did it say that he wasn't prepared to stick his neck out for Ianto's sake? Probably not much, Jack realised. They'd all nearly been killed because of his actions, and Owen was the kind to hold a grudge, though his actions so far this evening had been in complete contrast. When Jack had stormed off, Owen had been there to get Ianto taken away from the scene, cleaned up and eventually drugged into oblivion where the shock of everything wouldn't reach him; at least not until he was ready to process it. Now he was left to face Jack's justice.

There was only one punishment for treason, and that was death. Jack had never had to mete it out before, but he found his gun in his hand before he'd even realised he was holding it, poised over the sleeping man. Death was justice, and yet death was more than he deserved. People had died, and more might have done, or the whole world, had they not stopped him.

Added to that was the bitter pill of betrayal which soured in his mouth and reminded him why he could never, and should never, have let anyone into his world. He despised Ianto's treachery, and more the fool it made him feel to have been sucked into those false charms and kinds words. Love. He wanted to spit the word out, so vile it was. A lie. That was what it had been. His fool heart stood no chance against the deception that Ianto had manufactured. He had no place here. It was that simple.

Jack pulled back the safety on the gun and took it two handed, determined not to falter. Death was too good for him, he repeated in his mind. Then he remembered the last thing Ianto had said to him, the last words he was ever about to say.

'You're the biggest monster of them all.'

The words cut deep. Just when he was assured that he was the one in the right, Ianto had gone and made him out to be the villain. He was the one that wanted to condemn Lisa to death. No, not Lisa, the cyberwoman. They were different entities. One death didn't count against the other, or so he told himself.

He stared down again, his gun barrel just an inch away from his temple. He could put a line under the whole thing right now and be done with it for good.

Pull the trigger, Jack.

His hand shook. He wanted to do it. Justice. Ianto was the villain, not him. His death would put everything right. Then they'd all be able to move on.

'Maybe it's best if he doesn't wake at all,' Owen's words rang again. Yes, he was right. This would be merciful, even if he didn't deserve it.

Then he saw images of Alex Hopkins, and the team he'd once known, strewn about the hub. The place was full of ghosts that dared only to show themselves in the darkest corners of night. Alex, who had murdered his team. He'd been the villain then. This was different, Jack told himself. He wasn't Alex. He'd tried to stop Alex from killing himself, and would never have dared to try to kill him as revenge for the lives he'd taken. He hadn't wanted to kill Suzie either, despite her string of violent murders. Yet here he stood, about to do just that.

His hands shook even more violently, wavering with indecision. Ianto had been right all along. He was a monster. He thought about how the others would look after him afterwards. Tosh and Gwen and Owen. Would they look at him and be frightened of what he was capable of, or would they leave, too scared to stay in the company of someone so black hearted? A cold blooded murderer.

He'd done it before. A long time ago, before he'd met the Doctor, he'd been responsible for any number of deaths. His life should have been forfeit, and yet here he stood, immortal and unable to die, dispensing his own version of righteous justice. There was only one villain here in the room.

The gun tumbled from his hand, clattering to the ground, though neither of them reacted to the sound at all, both trapped in their own oblivion of sorts. The hub was suddenly too small to contain them both. Jack backed away, eyes never leaving the figure lying on the sofa until he reached the sanctuary of his office. He wiped the CCTV and left.

He didn't want any of the others to see what he'd become.