Title: Just One Regret
Fandom: Star Wars
Character: Qui-Gon Jinn
Length: 406
Rating: G
Disclaimer: I don't own any recognisable characters ... they all belong to George Lucas
Summary: Qui-Gon muses on the Jedi Code and the implications it has for him.

If you had been to ask Qui-Gon Jinn if he regretted the fact that he was a Jedi seven years ago, he would have simply looked at you as though you were crazy. Of course the answer was no. There had never been a time when the Force hadn't been part of his life and he had lived and breathed the Jedi Order since he had been accepted as an initiate. Of course, there had been momentary regrets - had he made a different decision on this mission or that then the outcome could have been very different – and lingering regrets – could he have changed things if he had noticed Xanatos’ problems earlier, what pain could he have spared Obi-Wan if he had accepted him as a padawan earlier – but nothing too bad.

No, he had never regretted being a Jedi until he had come to the sudden realisation that his padawan was no longer a gangly teenager still growing into himself but was an incredible young man, beautiful both in looks and spirit. A young man that Qui-Gon was swiftly coming to realise that he felt far more for Obi-Wan than he should. Far more than the Jedi Code said that he should.

Or maybe it wasn’t the depth of his feelings that worried Qui-Gon but the true nature of them. They weren’t that of a master for his padawan or that of a father for his son. They were those of one man in love with another man and therein lay Qui-Gon’s problem. He was a master within the Jedi Order and he had sworn to honour the code that all Jedi lived by.

The code that forbade attachments between Jedi, that discouraged romantic relationships. There is no passion, there is serenity. Words that Qui-Gon hated as much as he had ever allowed himself to hate. Words that ensured that, were there any chance that Obi-Wan returned his feelings, they would never be able to do anything about them unless they were to violate the code that they had lived by for their whole lives. As much as Qui-Gon loved Obi-Wan, he would never ask Obi-Wan to do that, would never ask him to betray what he had worked so hard for.

Instead, he would settle for loving Obi-Wan as much the code permitted him to and, when he finally surrendered himself to the Force, he would do so with just the one regret.