Very, very nice poem, beautiful words and technically accurate execution. I don't know the fandom, but this makes me wish that I did, it sounds like an amazing magical system.

The rhyme and rhythm are really wonderful. Regarding your comment about syllables, I agree with how the words you clarified fall. I don't think rhyme works at all without rhythm, and you've nailed that here. And because you're someone who obviously thinks about it, I'll mention that there were two lines that tripped me up, which were "- This is choice..." and "Break the skin..." which both start on weak beats where all the rest started on the strong. The choice line looks like it would easily be rephrased to "- Choice, decision" although it's probably okay to leave breaking given the different format and that 'this is' doesn't, I guess try to be strong. Break is a more difficult rephrase because "Break" could equally well have been a strong beat and I only realised I'd gone wrong when the line ended up with five strong beats. I might try: "Break through the skin of the world, sure and swift" but your milage may vary, particularly since I don't know the fandom so I don't know if you might be quoting directly in some parts. :)

Sorry for the unsolicited beta, hope you don't mind, because this is a brilliant poem and deserves much kudos. :) Thanks for writing, I'm really glad I clicked through to this one!

Ooh, thanks for the rec, I shall put them on the list. :)

I think fire/desire fall differently depending on how the rhythm's going, and and where they sit in the phrase you can maybe fudge either way? Like, "Fire up the oven and fire the clay" sits two different ways in the same line (which I wouldn't do because ick, but makes the point).

Yep, I thought the choice line was probably a deliberate break of the pattern, the hyphen was enough of a cue for me that something screwy was going on, but since I was mentioning the other one I included it. :)

And ooh, barrier fell as three syllables for me, or at least a long two where you'd get tongue tied if you tried to rush on if you know what I mean. Can you leave out the 'be'? "Break through the barrier, careful and swift" Or maybe use "boundary", which falls as two less rushed syllables for me? But if barrier falls as two syllables for you, then what you suggest is perfect, lol, because it's your own accent. :)