Title: The Sound of a Breaking Heart
Fandom: Star Wars
Characters: Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda
Pairing: one-sided Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon
Rating: PG13
Length: 915
Summary: The irony was that Obi-Wan had finally started to feel secure about his place in Qui-Gon Jinn's life.
Authors Note: Set during The Phantom Menace


“I will train him, then. I take Anakin as my padawan learner.”

Obi-Wan knew that his surprise at Qui-Gon’s words was clearly visible on his face, that his stoic Jedi façade had failed him but that wasn’t Obi-Wan’s priority right now. His priority was the fact that his heart felt as though it was cracked down the middle at his master’s words. Indeed, there was a small part of Obi-Wan that was utterly amazed that the sound of his heart breaking hadn’t been audible to the entire Jedi council. It really was quite astounding how just twelve words could bring Obi-Wan’s whole world crashing down around his ears.

The thing was, there was a part of Obi-Wan that wasn’t surprised by Qui-Gon’s actions, part of him that had been half-expecting his master to offer to train the young man, to train Anakin. The little voice in the back of Obi-Wan’s head that had never truly gone away – the one that sounded remarkably like Bruck Chun – traitorously piped up that Qui-Gon had never truly wanted Obi-Wan, that he had only taken him on out of pity and because the council had all but demanded it. Obi-Wan shook his head discreetly to try and rid himself of the voice. Yes, admittedly he and Qui-Gon hadn’t had the smoothest of starts to their master-padawan relationship but they had left that behind them a long time ago. Or so Obi-Wan had thought. Not wanting to dwell on thoughts of their early years together, Obi-Wan forced himself to turn his attention back to the council, just in time to hear both Master Yoda and Master Windu speak out.

“An apprentice, you have, Qui-Gon. Impossible, to take on a second.”

“We forbid it.”

Despite the pain that he felt as a result of Qui-Gon’s words, Obi-Wan couldn’t help the wave of fondness that swept through him for the diminutive Dagoban master. Master Yoda had been one of Obi-Wan’s staunchest supporters for the entirety of his time in the Jedi temple and it was a relief to see that that hadn’t changed. Still, his appreciation for Master Yoda's support was dwarfed by his feelings of betrayal at how easily Qui-Gon - his Master - had thrown him aside. A tiny part of him, clung to the vague hope that he had misheard, that he was dreaming, but that small part was utterly obliterated by Qui-Gon’s next words.

"Obi-Wan is ready...."

Already cracked and broken, Obi-Wan’s heart shattered completely. Not wanting to discredit his master in front of the council members, Obi-Wan fought to keep himself from broadcasting his despair through the Force and spoke up in support of Qui-Gon, even though every fibre of him wanted to cry out his pain.

"I am ready to face the trials." Obi-Wan strove to inject a confidence that he didn't feel into his voice. How could Qui-Gon truly think that he was ready for the trials when they had always spoken of them as being a thing in the future? It was always 'when Obi-Wan was ready for the trials’, not that he was ready now. Obi-Wan had thought that both he and his master were working on the same time frame, that Obi-Wan still had several years as a padawan before he underwent the knight’s trials. Strange how Qui-Gon suddenly deemed Obi-Wan ready when he was faced with the possibility of training the much vaunted 'Chosen One'.

"Ready so early, are you? What know you of ready?"

Master Yoda knew the truth of the matter, the truth that Obi-Wan knew full well, that Obi-Wan wasn't yet ready to be a Jedi knight. Obi-Wan shot an angry glance at his Master before bowing his head at Master Yoda's words. He was dimly aware that the rest of the council were still talking, discussing what their mission now entailed, but Obi-Wan turned his attention inwards and focused on his shields. Working carefully and methodically, he locked everything down behind the strongest mental shields that he could muster, ensuring nothing could escape down the link that he shared with his master. It would be gone soon enough; he might as well get used to living without it.

He had had so many hopes for himself and Qui-Gon once he had (hopefully!) past his knight’s trials. Obi-Wan had been consciously aware that he was in love with his master since he was eighteen years old, probably unconsciously since he was sixteen. More than once, he had thought that there was the chance that Qui-Gon felt the same way about him - certain words, certain actions giving him hope that his feelings were reciprocated. Once he had been knighted, he had planned to approach Qui-Gon and express his feelings for the man and, assuming that they were returned, had entertained the fantasy that the two of them would become paired knights, travelling the galaxy on missions together. Now it was only ever going to remain a fantasy. If Qui-Gon didn't want him as a padawan, he certainly wouldn't want him as a lover.

Dimly, he was aware of Qui-Gon bowing to the council and out of habit, he followed suit, falling into his usual place three paces behind and to Qui-Gon's left as the man strode from the council chamber, although who knew how much longer that would be his place for.

Obi-Wan had thought he knew what heartbreak was all those years ago, first on Bandomeer and then on Melida/Daan. He had been wrong.

Now he truly knew.