Title: The Wolf Within
Fandom: BBC Sherlock
Rating: Teen
Length: 1405
Content Notes: Ballad, John/Sherlock, Mycroft, Mary, Possibly a S3 Fixit?
Summary: The Ballad of a Holmes and His Love: A Johnlock Rhyme.

You met him at Barts, when he lent you his phone,
And you saw in its case contradictions unknown.
A bundle of conflict, a healer at war.
You knew he was special; you knew there was more.

You told him his life, showing off for the crowd,
But he wasn’t offended, he praised you out loud.
He was dazzled by seeing your talents in use.
It made a nice change from accustomed abuse.

A doctor assisting, no snide malcontent,
A flatmate to help you keep up with the rent,
A colleague to endlessly flatter your brain,
A puzzle to keep you from going insane.

Three patches, four suicides: murder evolved.
The case was a tough one, a puzzle unsolved,
When the cabbie arrived to speak only to you,
You would rather have answers than safety, you knew.

But moon glinted on metal, a building away.
A crack shot was taken, blood leapt in a spray.
The shadowy figure with nerves made of steel,
And a strong moral principal, first pledged to heal.

Later, he watches, behind police lines.
A killer so dangerous, seeming benign.
His wool but a cover—not over your eyes.
But Scotland Yard blindly don’t question his guise.

A wolf in sheep’s clothing, who passes for dull.
A chance for true friendship where once was a skull.
Mrs Hudson can take it, and keep it in truth,
Although one more surprise yet escaped from the sleuth.

For at home when you dream of bared teeth at your throat:
Him shorn of his jumper; you stripped of your coat.
When you dream of the hands that were sure with a gun,
Sliding sure on your body, both laughing for fun.

When you dream of his ‘brilliant’ in constant refrain,
You can’t but imagine him, gasping your name,
Whispering praise in the slickness of skin,
A battle for two where the both of you win.

And at nights you wake wondering, stung with regret;
Propositions rebuffed and released without debt.
Your mistake to put theory ahead of the fact,
For this man—just him—you would surely retract.

But it’s fine, it’s all fine; you can’t think he’s for you.
You’d rather have cake than be eating it, too.
You’d rather have John in his layers of clothing,
Than to once kiss his lips and earn only his loathing.

But you knew Moriarty had seen who you are,
You knew Moriarty would force you too far.
He'd opened your eyes to the wolf within you,
The weakness inside, that would strengthen you too.

One day he would come to his final solution,
A choice between John—or your life’s substitution.
Just one option possible: saving your ‘heart’.
To protect him, you knew you would have to be smart.

To protect him, you knew not to leave things to chance.
To protect him, you’d have to play His game, and dance,
'Till you reached to the rooftop, then you’d have to leave,
Forsake him to sorrow, to forget you, and grieve.

He’d forgive you; he had to, when you came back at last.
You’d have proved yourself worthy, pain all in the past—
You thought he'd forgive you, you’d done it for him,
You hardly would leave on the force of a whim.

But perhaps you’d forgotten; your wolf wearing wool,
Didn’t see things so simply, had lost you in full.
You’ve never liked being the subject of ire,
At least not of his, when he used to admire.

But you’ll never be sorry; it had to be done.
John was worth saving; the web, it was spun.
You’ve done what you must and you’ve done what you could.
The cost may be high, but the cause, it was good.

And forgive you he will, for forgive you he must.
He loves you, and missed you, and never lost trust.
He never forgot you, whatever he yelled;
His anger’s a sign of the love that he held.

And holds still, despite all of the time to let go,
Never stopping his faith, never ceasing his woe.
He asked for a miracle, asked it of you,
Asked you to live though he knew you were through.

All hearts will be broken, all lives lost to touch.
It’s not an advantage to love him so much.
But love him you do, and love him you will,
Because love him you have, through the years and the chill.

Do not sulk, my dear brother. Put down the cocaine.
He’ll see to your heart; you’ve not suffered in vain.
His resolve to stay angry is fleeting at best,
The fear that he’ll lose you again is the test.

Be a part of his life, plan his wedding and show,
All the lengths of your love where you're willing to go,
For his freedom and happiness. All things for him,
But you’ve given your all without letting him in.

You never let on when your time came to die,
That the way that you feel was your reason to fly.
You never let on that you dreamed of his touch,
You’d have given him anything, nothing too much.

Let him know; he won’t blame when he sees why you fell,
You were always a great man, a good one as well.
There’s a problem—some legwork—I’m sending to you.
A puzzle to solve in your wolf pack of two.

Magnesson’s eye will be creeping John's way,
He’ll be into the fire by the end of the day.
It will hurt him, and hurt you, but when you come through,
If you let him, he’ll see and he’ll know you are true.

This caring, it hurts, as I know all too well,
When you love a wild wolf and you never can tell.
So show him, my brother, as I can’t show you,
You’ve always been braver, and stupider, too.

He loves you because of your heart, not in spite.
He’d never be cruel if you showed him the light.
I wish I could show you, my brother, my dear,
What it costs me to push you so close to my fear.

But where my interference was making you chafe.
Now my grim calculations are keeping you safe,
As safe as is your wolf, who’s wild as well:
Can’t be kept in a cage, can’t be locked in a cell.

I have done what I could, I have done what I must,
If you’re ever to earn the remains of his trust.
All the pieces in motion, the pawns set to play.
My gift to you: setting you up to be prey.

You’ll save him, whatever the cost; I know well.
Let him tear you to pieces, let him send you to hell.
When he sees, he will know, comprehend how you feel.
It is all I can do. It will bring him to heel.

Your love would not leash him; no burdensome chain,
With your flight turning 'round, to be with him again.
Do you think he’d deny you or keep you at bay,
Despite wife barely wed and a child on the way?

He is wolf within wool, not just family man.
He is wild in his heart although loyal to clan.
Your pack stalking crime again, out in the street,
Looking for danger, revealing deceit.

It won’t be long after, when Mary is fled,
From the dregs of her past she is wisest to dread,
Repeating her pattern, repeating your own,
John and her child left to go on alone.

For she cannot stay here 'till it catches her up,
She’ll move on in the hopes of protecting her pup,
She’s a wolf sure as he is, as sure as are you,
And wolves don’t stand by when their debts become due.

And then he will come to you, stolid in grief,
Cleaned out from the loss of his marriage, too brief,
Perhaps you will wait, give him time to break through,
Perhaps you will see how he once grieved for you.

Perhaps you will see, and you’ll open your heart,
Pull him into your bed, be no longer apart.
Pull him into your heart, and then ask him to stay.
See the joy in his eyes when there’s no more to say.

You'll be ever so smug, sure I don’t understand,
You’ll forget I’m a wolf within manners so bland.
I wish you all happiness, brother.  It’s true.
This caring lark’s painful—but worth it,
For you.