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Title: A rose for the departed
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 747 words
Content notes: none
Author notes:  Written for Challenge 156 - Rose
Summary: Ianto observes the first anniversary of his lover's passing.

Jack barely reacted when he asked for the day off. They both knew why, and despite the ups and downs, Jack wouldn't deny him anything. He also hadn't offered to come along with him. Ianto wasn't sure if that was because he knew Ianto needed to do this alone, or whether he couldn't bear the thought of having to share Ianto's affections with anyone else for even a single day. Either way, Ianto decided he was grateful for the space.

The train ride passed by in a blur, hours felt like minutes as his mind drifted away on thoughts and memories, the passing countryside and quiet villages ignored and forgotten. Even the hustle and bustle of the busy London streets failed to permeate his consciousness, hand automatically hailing for a cab and settling himself inside its oppressive warmth for the final leg of his journey.

Before he knew what had happened, they were parked outside the tall ironwork gates, and he absently handed over the twenty pound note, grossly more than the actual fare and not caring.

The sky overhead was clear with a pale sunlight casting dim shadows of nearby trees and monuments. The gods had been kind on this day and spared him the usually bleak, cloudy vista. A sixth sense guides him to the right spot.

There's nothing there underneath the soil and the neatly clipped verge. Like so many from that day, it's a place marker and nothing more. They couldn't risk any piece of metal surviving, having cremated the bodies and melted down the alloys into a single block of impenetrable steel, before grinding it to dust and locking it away along with the ashes of the deceased. He knows where they've kept them, back at the hub, but it doesn't feel like a graveyard. There's no visiting loved ones in the dark spaces of the hub, just as there'd been no real Lisa hidden in the depths of the basement either. Wherever her spirit rested, it wasn't in Cardiff.

It wasn't hard to decide which day should count as the anniversary. Hindsight had shown him that the day Jack had ended it came long after her true death. It was a blot on a calendar and nothing more. He'd truly lost her the day the cybermen came and took her away.

He'd waited one more day, giving her family the day to mourn and pay their respects. He couldn't look them in the eye and see the question written there in their expression. Why did you survive? He wasn't even sure what the answer was.

The long box in his hand suddenly felt heavy, having carefully carried it all the way from home. He knelt and placed it on the dewy grass beside him, lifting off the lid and extracting the contents. Inside lay a single red rose and a single white rose, as tall and elegant as the lover he'd come to give them to. He'd agonised over the choice, intending to bring just one, but in the end bought them both. Red to mourn the passing of their love, white to mourn the passing of their innocence.

There was no guilt in sitting there and remembering how much he'd loved her. He might have been with Jack now, and he truly loved Jack, but that didn't mean he couldn't also love Lisa. He'd taken a long, hard road to get where he was now, but he hadn't lost love along the way. He would always love her, and he would love her still, even after Jack was gone. He could love them both equally no matter what happened because they had been the two people in his life who had given it meaning and purpose. And joy, so much happiness and joy. He hadn't ever thought a person could experience so much love and warmth from another, let alone to have it twice.

Perhaps Lisa had been looking down on him, perhaps she had sent him on his path to Jack, knowing that he needed to carry on and to find love again. He hoped so. It's what he would have wanted had their places been reversed. He'd expected to come here and find nothing but sadness and emptiness, and yet he found his heart lighter than it had been for days, feeling the warm sunshine on his face and the birds chirping nearby. It was as if Lisa's soul was here, filling his heart with light and hope.