Title: Metal Fatigue
Fandom: Original Work
Rating: G
Length: 263
Author notes: I gather Ununpentium is actually a temporary name. And you can see Sodium being dropped into the "font" on YouTube here.
Summary: Gold and Silver are attending the christening of a new metal.

The scientists were standing round the font with the vicar, cooing over the new addition to the family.

The godparents, Gold and Silver, watched from the front pew.

Gold sighed. “I wonder what they’re going to call this one.”

“Something sensible, I hope,” said Silver.

Gold nodded. “Yes—the things they come up with nowadays! Whatever happened to those lovely old fashioned names?”

Silver stared into the distance. “‘Iron’, ‘Bismuth’, “Palladium’...”

“Gorgeous names, all of them.” Gold flicked through the hymnal. He looked up again. “And then there’s Copper and Tin—they called their child Bronze. Nice straightforward name—no messing about.”

“Did you hear Copper got divorced?” said Silver.

“No,” said Gold. “What happened?”

“Apparently he had a baby with Zinc too. They’re calling it Brass.”

“Good heavens…” said Gold.

At this point, Sodium came hurrying over to them. She discreetly got into the pew and sat down.

“Sorry I’m late,” she whispered. “Have we had the kick-off yet?”

“No, they’re still faffing about,” said Silver.

“Do you know what they’re calling this one?” asked Gold.

“Er, Ununpentium, I think,” said Sodium.

Gold looked at her in horror. “Poor kid.”

Sodium shrugged.

Their attention was drawn to the vicar who was now signalling to the godparents to come forward.

Gold and Silver put on their safety goggles and stood up.

Sodium frowned at the goggles. “Are those really necessary?”

“Better to be safe than sorry,” said Silver.

Gold raised an eyebrow. “Obviously you won’t remember, Sodium. But Silver and I clearly recall the occasion when the vicar dropped you in the font.”