Title: Looking In
Fandom: Spooks (MI-5)
Rating: G
Length: 375 words
Summary: Lucas returns to Thames House



He had been one of them once.

Lucas North watched everyone scrambling around. Something big had happened; that much was obvious. Harry had pulled his people into a briefing. Lucas had not been invited.

Lucas stared at the closed door, trying to analyze how he felt. Disappointed topped the list. Being home wasn't quite what he'd been picturing for eight years. For one thing, Elizabeta was lost to him. For another, everyone was treating him less like the victorious hero and more like an especially pathetic stray.

Isolated was a close second. Most of these people were strangers. Harry was behaving more like a stranger than the actual strangers were. Even Malcolm, whom he had once considered a dear friend, had no idea what to say to him.

Overwhelmed was up there, too. The car ride had almost been too much. At first, the lights and vistas had fascinated him; he had been unable to stop gawking as they rode through London. By the time they reached Thames House, Lucas had been focused intently on his fish and chips, filtering out a world that was so much bigger than the 10'x10' concrete one he had grown used to.

Angry. Lucas tried to ignore this one, but it would not be denied. He was angry. He was very angry. He had gone in at 29, successful, happily married - at the top of his game. Now he was 37, and what did he have? Nothing. As much as he would deny it to anyone who asked, he knew he was no longer the same man. Eight years of torture and deprivation had left their mark. He had deep fissures running through him and it was taking everything he had not to shatter. Maybe anger really led off his list.

Grateful. He thought gratitude would rank higher. He was grateful that they had finally gotten him back. He couldn't help but wonder, though, why it had taken eight years.

Frustrated. Lucas North was back, and he meant to rebuild his life and his career. True, Elizabeta was lost to him, but he would fight to recover his career and the respect of his peers. He needed to work and he needed it now.

Lucas North wanted back in.