Title: a jealous man
Fandom: White Collar
Rating: R
Length: 1765
Content notes: Kink, lack of emotional communication, three-person relationship, some angst, power difference in a relationship.
Author notes: For the 37 plots meme for the prompt Peter/Elizabeth/Neal, mistaken jealousy. Also for fan-flashworks for the prompt The Other Side.
Summary: Neal is completely in love with Peter. Peter thinks that Neal is completely in love with El. Peter/Elizabeth/Neal.




“You’d be able to go to the gallery if you hadn’t committed crimes,” Peter said.

Neal’s jaw tightened, almost imperceptibly. “It’s always back to that, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Peter said, pressing on the point, “It’s always back to that.” Back to personal responsibility, back to choices having consequences, back to Neal being capable of being a different person.

He could sense Neal’s annoyance, something near resentment, and he supposed he should just feel grateful that Neal wasn’t giving him that unflappable smiling con face like nothing in the world could bother him.

Still, Peter couldn’t help feel a twinge of guilt. Maybe it was because of where they were, in Peter’s bed, a nice quiet morning after. They had only been doing this a few weeks, and it wasn’t certain ground yet. Maybe these weren’t the rules – maybe they were supposed to put their perpetual push and pull aside when they were like this?

But then it was Neal who thought he could convince Peter to let him go to the gallery show outside his radius. It was Neal who brought the argument into their bed, so if it was anyone’s fault….

El came in then with three cups of coffee, and Neal broke into a genuine smile. She handed a cup to Peter, then Neal, then sat on the bed.

“You’re the best, El,” Neal said, sipping his coffee, then leaning his head on El’s shoulder.

“You two boys doing okay?” El said. Nothing got past her, of course.

Neal pouted. Honest-to-goodness pouted. “Peter’s on again about my terribly immoral lifestyle.”

El laughed. “We just want you to make choices that let you keep coming back to us.”

Neal smiled again, small, a little gaze of adoration directed up at El.

Peter understood. It’s not that he didn’t. Who wouldn’t adore El?

--

Months pass. Things go better than Peter, the realist, had expected.

He wasn’t an overly emotional person, he liked to think (El might disagree, of course). He hadn’t been worried about being with Neal, about the sex – they had both wanted it for years, and he knew it would be good. And it was very good.

He had been a little worried about work, about if it would affect them on the job, but the professional agent and the professional con could both compartmentalize well, or at least seem to. Peter perhaps got slightly more annoyed when Neal would flirt with pretty men and women on the job, but their success rates were fine – their stats even went up a little.

What he had been most worried about turned out not to be a problem at all. The thought of another man with El had always filled Peter with a base possessiveness, a blind seethe that he wasn’t at all proud of. He wasn’t sure what it would be like to see Neal – gorgeous, charming, world-class seducer Neal – with El.

But watching the two of them together would turn out to be one of Peter’s favorite things. He loved to watch Neal get on his knees and slowly work El into a frenzy. He loved watching El ride him in a chair, holding Neal’s hands above his head with one hand, yanking his hair with the other as her mouth pressed bruises and bites down his neck, hearing deep groans spill out of Neal’s lips.

He loved watching the way Neal looked at her during: full of devotion, something teetering on awe.

Maybe it was because Peter knew El, knew what was in El’s heart and mind, knew that El was loyal and honest and solid as a rock. Maybe it was because he trusted that, of all the ways Neal might break his heart, trying to break up his marriage to El would never, ever be one of them.

Maybe it was just that he loved Neal and Elizabeth both enough to savor what they were like they were together, to recognize beauty and fervor and goodness and love in stunning combinations.

But Peter was never jealous of the two of them in bed.

And yet. Something had changed.

Neal had always gone to El as a protector, an advice-giver, as wise and kind and brilliant and gentle Elizabeth. And again, who wouldn’t?

But since they started this, the three of them, Peter couldn’t help notice that it was El who made Neal feel safe, El who made Neal feel perfectly at home. El, who made Neal’s face light up, when Peter might just as easily earn a petulant scowl. El, whom Neal always treated with courtesy and respect and something like obedience, while Peter and Neal had as many conflicts and tensions as ever. They were interspersed with moments of playfulness and bliss, of course, and with friendship and kindness and limited trust, but these tensions were as present as ever. Maybe worse. But between Neal and El, everything was always smooth.

Of all the problems that Peter had foreseen, being jealous of El hadn’t even occurred to him.

Now, he realizes that it should have.

--

“Peter, not to diminish your feelings, but you have to know how Neal feels about you.” El gave him a comforting pat on the knee.

He had expected a different response. He knew that El cared deeply about Neal but that she didn’t feel obsessively in love with him – shouldn’t she feel worried that Neal was falling so deeply in love with her?

“I just mean, we should be careful with his feelings. And our feelings, too.”

“Neal’s head over heels feelings toward me? That’s what we need to be careful about?” She was giving him that look, that sympathetic but slightly amused look she gave when she thought he was being obtuse and ridiculous.

“He just… thinks the world of you.”

She nodded carefully. “I think he cares about me a lot. And I think he goes out of his way to make sure I’m happy with our arrangement. He wants me to know how grateful he is.” She looked at Peter pointedly.

“And that’s great. But it just feels like… I mean I love that you can make him happy. I just sometimes wish… I could make him that happy too.”

“Sometimes love is about more than just ‘happy.’”

Peter had no idea what that meant. “So what do you think I should do?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Talk to him. You’re always telling him to be honest. So you might need to honest too.”

He sighed, rubbed his forehead.

She was probably right.

--

“Peter, is this a ‘define the relationship’ talk?”

Peter had been fumbling around for several minutes, mentioning how much he enjoyed their arrangement but wouldn’t they like to talk about anything perhaps, and so on.

“No. I mean, sort of. Not the way you think. I just… want to check in, make sure we’re all getting what we need.”

Neal nodded. “And what do you need?”

Peter paused.

Neal added, “Obviously, there’s something I’m not doing that you think I need to be doing.”

“That’s not how it is,” Peter said. The last thing he needed was for Neal to turn defensive.

“It’s fine if it is. Just… you have to tell me, Peter. If I’m not doing something right, just tell me,” Neal said, rolling his eyes. He looked frustrated, his whole body tense.

“I just…”

“What?”

I need to be your favorite. I need you to like me best.

No. Honesty was good, but Neal would mock him forever if he said it like that.

Not to mention, it was a ridiculous request. How could he ask someone to love him more than they love El? Anyone would choose El.

“Peter,” Neal said, voice cracking just a little. “I need you to tell me.”

“It’s just…. I really like how great you are with El. But when we talked about it before we… started, we said it would be more… equilateral.”

Neal looked genuinely confused. “What?”


“I’m not upset about you and El. It’s just that I think we should also make sure that … you and I… you know.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about Peter.”

Peter closed his eyes. Honesty, he reminded himself. Honesty.

“It’s not that I’m… insecure. It’s just, sometime I’d like to feel like… you need being with me as much as you need to be with El.”

He couldn’t even look at Neal. He felt exposed, vulnerable. And if Neal responded by feeling sorry for him, by gently letting him down easy, then he wasn’t sure what he would do.

Instead, Neal was silent for a long time. And when he spoke, his voice showed little emotion. “Peter. That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Peter looked up at Neal, hurt. He wasn’t expecting to be brushed off in such a cruel way. That wasn’t Neal.

“What?”

“Peter. If you think I’m doing this all so I can be with El….”

Peter realized then why Neal was insulted. He had made it sound like he thought Neal was being deceptive, like Peter thought he had some scheme to seduce El.

“I’m sorry, Neal. That’s not what I meant. I know you care about both of us. I trust you, and I know you’re not trying to hurt my marriage. I would never think that about you.”

Neal nodded, but he was still looking at Peter like he thought Peter didn’t get it.

“I’m sorry, I just… it’s my own issue,” Peter added. He should have known this wouldn’t go well. “I don’t even know why I – I just want you to know, El and I both really care about you. We both want what’s best for you. That’s… really all I wanted to say.”

Neal nodded again. He paused, then said, tentatively, “You know, Peter, Mozzie has this thing he says about me whenever he doesn’t like something I’m about to do. He says, ‘Neal, your problem is, when you fall, you fall hard.’”

Neal looked at Peter then, as if he expected Peter to understand the point, like he was terrified Peter would understand the point but wanted it all the same.

Peter didn't.

"Okay," Peter said.

Neal sighed. But then he changed the subject, deft social engineer that he was, and soon their almost-argument was smoothed over and they were enjoying each other’s company again. But in the back of Peter’s mind, he kept going over Mozzie’s comment, wondering why Neal would tell him that, but whenever he felt like he was close to figuring it out, like the pieces were about to slide together, he thought of the strange look in Neal’s eye when he said it, and it all went blurry again.