Title: Unidentified Flying Object
Fandom: Original, Sherlock Holmes (ACD) [sort of...]
Rating: G
Length: 497
Author notes: I think this should strictly speaking be called "Unidentified Flying Subject Complement..."
Summary: Dr. Doyle's class goes to the parsing zoo to learn how to identify the parts of a sentence.

Dr. Doyle the English teacher gazed cheerfully at his class of 11 year olds.

“Today,” he declared, “we’re going to learn how to identify the different parts of the sentence!”

The children groaned. But they packed up their satchels and put on their duffel coats, and everyone set off for the parsing zoo.


“Now this is a very famous sentence,” said Dr. Doyle, indicating an enclosure. “It’s the opening to A Scandal in Bohemia.” He pointed to the sign outside the bars, and read it aloud: “To Sherlock Holmes she is always the woman.”

He considered his charges. “Now, can anyone spot the prepositional phrase in this sentence?”

The children stared into the enclosure, and little Godfrey tentatively put up his hand. “Is it… the Sherlock Holmes investigating that piece of paper over there?”

Dr. Doyle beamed at him. “Well done, Godfrey, yes! And there’s his preposition just in front of him.” He raised an eyebrow. “Can anyone tell me which is the subject?”

Monica waved her hand frantically. “It’s the she!” The little girl pressed her face to the bars. “So pretty and dainty…”

“And intelligent too,” added Dr. Doyle, watching the subject as she observed the object of the preposition at his investigations.

The she snapped her head up and looked them all in the eye for a moment, before moving gracefully away.

Dr. Doyle sighed and turned back to his class. “What about the verb? Sigismond, can you find it?”

Sigismond looked doubtful. “Well, sir, I thought a verb was a doing word but…” He pointed at the is lying sunning itself on a rock. “That word is just… being.”

“Yes, indeed,” nodded Dr. Doyle. “But it is a verb after all—a special verb called a copula that links the subject and the object together.” He gazed around. “And where is the object—can you see it?”

“There’s the the!” yelled John. (Or possibly James. Dr. Doyle always got confused about that kid’s name.)

Everyone stared. The the seemed stressed and it quivered a little before running off. John turned his head this way and that, searching for the woman.

“There!”

He pointed to something in the undergrowth.

Dr. Doyle frowned. “No, that’s a man, not a woman.” His frown became a little deeper. “I don’t know how it got into this enclosure…”

“But, sir,” said John, “you must consider the evidence! If a man can’t have got in, then the logical deduction must be…”

In the adjoining enclosure, What a woman—oh, what a woman! cried the KIng of Bohemia suddenly all threw themselves against the shared fence. It frightened the man, which flew high up into the air, coming safely to rest far away.

“Look!” said John in triumph.

And away from its disguise it was immediately apparent the man was indeed a woman.

John looked pretty smug.

But here our story comes to an end, as it was feeding time and there was a sudden appearance from the full stop.