Challenge: Kindness, Elusive or Ephemeral, Exploration
Title: On the cortex
Author: godsdaisiechain
Fandom: Firefly
Type: Fic
Characters/Pairing: Inara, Mal, Original characters, Adelai Niska,
Word Count: ~
Rating: NC 17 (for implied violence)

Notes/ Setup: Set right after (or maybe at the same time as) “After Niska.”  Inara is in her shuttle, screening clients on the cortex.

Warning: Post-show information about the real reason Inara left the Core.


She'd left because she was dying.

Inara didn’t want to die.  Especially not now, not when she had finally met the one person who made her whole. Her soulmate.  And of all people, it was Malcolm Reynolds, a man who should have been running a ranch on Shadow, following his heart and caring for herds and hands.

Instead, he was out here, damaged and torn. Rough around the edges. Driven by a misplaced nobility of purpose. Annoyed beyond reason at the thought of her on the job.  With men like Atherton.  Little men.

Back at the Academy, she’d never believed it was possible to find a soul mate.  It had sounded so unrealistic, like something they told people on the rim to make them feel better about their lot in life.  She had believed only in clients.  Believed that even romantic attachments were a type of contract, coldly considered and strategically made.

The faces on the screen had all begun to run into each other, especially now that she was concentrating on young virgins.  First time lovers who wouldn’t notice any distraction.  Young men with young problems. Easy problems to solve.  Easy minds.  Uncomplicated.

She missed her home in the city, but she wanted to see the universe, and now Serenity had become her home.  Mal had become her rock, exuding a love that warmed her to the core of her being.  It would be hard to leave, but she had to.  Before she got too sick to take care of herself.

How horrifically unfair that she would not be able to grow old with him.  She could not even be kind to him.  She had to keep him at such a distance.

She wished she could curl up with Mal, snuggle him to sleep. Especially tonight, when he was quivering with pain, checking to make sure his ear was attached.  She wanted to smooth his hair and kiss him and tell him everything would be all right, but she knew that if she did, it would be a lie.

She’s never felt this way before. Fond. Jealous. Infuriated. Weak-kneed and sharp-tongued.

Certainly, she was fond of many of her clients.  She had chosen them for a certain compatibility of spirit, after all.  But not one of them touched her heart the way Mal did.  A journey to see the universe had sounded romantic. She had never suspected that the romance would be so literal.

Inara sighed and looked over her shoulder at the doorway.  She could go to him, but she wasn’t certain whether it would be selfish of her, whether the kindness would be to herself and not to Mal.