Title: Hello there, children!
Fandom: South Park
Rating: G
Content notes: Pictures of raw and cooked food.
Author notes: School lunch and quote from episode 1x01.
Summary:
Chef: Hello there, children!
Boys: Hey, Chef!
Stan: What's gonna be for lunch today, Chef?
Chef: Well, today, it's salisbury steak with buttered noodles, and a choice of green bean casserole or vegetable medley.







1. Salisbury Steak, Buttered Noodles, & Vegetable Medley



Sir Not Appearing In This Picture: beef broth, sage, thyme, butter

Salisbury Steak

1 lb ground beef
1 T butter
1 T garlic
1/2 T sage
1/2 T thyme
1 T worcestershire sauce
1 T brandy
1 egg
1/4 cup diced mushrooms
1 cup sliced mushrooms
1/4 cup diced onion
1/2 medium sliced onion
1/4 cup breadcrumbs or cooked rice
1 cup beef broth
2 T powdered dried shiitake
1 tsp cornstarch
Black pepper to taste

- Fry the diced onion in the butter until it begins to color, then add the mushroom and continue frying until tender. Add the garlic, sage, and thyme and fry until you can smell the garlic. Remove to a mixing bowl and add the worcestershire sauce and black pepper, then let cool slightly. Meanwhile, fry the sliced onion until browned.
When the mushroom mixture is cooled, add the egg, beef, and rice/crumbs and mix well, forming three patties. Move the onion to the side of the pan and brown the patties well on both sides. Deglaze the pan with the brandy and beef broth, add the mushrooms, and cover. Simmer for ~15 minutes or until the patties are done.
Remove the patties and let rest on a plate; turn the heat up on the gravy and carefully mix in the mushroom powder and starch, stirring constantly until thickened; add more salt and pepper if necessary. Serve gravy spooned over the steak patty.

Buttered Noodles

- 3/4 cup egg noodles
- 3T butter
- 3T parmesan cheese
- pepper

Boil the noodles until tender; drain well but do not rinse. Return to pot with butter and cheese on low heat, stirring to melt the cheese and butter evenly over the noodles. Season to taste.

Vegetable Medley

- whatever vegetables you have kicking around your fridge
- oil
- salt and pepper

Chop vegetables, toss in oil and seasoning, roast until just tender and beginning to brown. (In picture: kohlrabi, radish, carrot, broccoli, cauliflower, bell peppers, zucchini)

2. Chocolate Salty Balls

... Well, Chef gives a recipe, but following it as sung would lead to a horrible disaster. (Two bags of sugar? Yikes.)

So, what do we know about chocolate salty balls?

- They're big and salty and brown
- They're flavored with cinnamon, brandy, vanilla, and chocolate
- They're packed full of vitamins
- They're high in fiber
- They're baked
- They're good for you
- You can suck them.


Sounds like chocolate snowdrop cookies, possibly, but you can't suck on those - they're too crumbly, and they have a pronounced nut flavor anyway. Cake balls aren't very suckable, either - also too dry. Needs to be moister and fudgier while still being baked goods instead of straight up fudge. Brownie balls? Worth a try.

But brownies are not high in fiber and packed full of vitamins, or particularly good for you?

They can be... if you make crazy hippie black bean brownies.



- 1 can black beans/ 1.5 cups cooked black beans
- 1/2 stick (4 Tbsp) salted butter (or unsalted and 1/4 tsp salt)
- 3 eggs and 2 egg whites
- 3/4 cup sugar
- 1/4 cup cocoa powder
- 1 oz unsweetened chocolate
- 1/2 tsp baking soda
- 1 tsp cinnamon
- 1 T coconut flour
- 1 T brandy
- 1 T vanilla

For ganache:
- 3T butter
- pinch salt
- 3 oz dark chocolate
- 3T sugar
- 1/4 cup brandy
- 1T cream

Drain and rinse the beans, blend with vanilla, 1 egg, and brandy. Melt the butter and chocolate together and add to the beans, then blend. Add the rest of the ingredients, alternating between wet and dry, and blend until completely smooth.

Grease and cocoa a 8x8 pan and bake at 350 for 20-30 minutes or until the center of the pan is solid but not dry. Leave your brownies in the fridge overnight.

The next day, reduce the brandy in a double boiler to 1 T. Add the rest of the ingredients and stir well until melted. Crumble the brownies into a bowl and pour the ganache over them, then stir with a wooden spoon until it comes together. Roll into balls, dust with sea salt and coarse sugar, and freeze until firm.

Optional red hot balls: add a tsp or two of cayenne powder or roughly ground dried chili to the brownie mix.