Challenge: Disaster, Five Things, Do-Over
Title: Purblind Philosophy
Author: godsdaisiechain
Fandom: Firefly
Type: Fic
Characters/Pairing: The whole Firefly crew, Adelai Niska
Word Count: ~
Rating: NC 17 (for implied violence)

Notes/ Setup: Set right after “War Stories.” In the episode, Shepherd Book and Adelai Niska both refer to the philosophy of Sun Yu, who suggests that the way to learn about people is to torture them.

By the end of the day, Mal has been killed under torture, brought back from the dead, and (finally) rescued by the crew.  During the rescue, Kaylee was pinned under enemy fire, but River came up in the nick of time and shot three men with her eyes closed.  Kaylee is grateful… but pretty darn terrified.  Zoe and Wash are in their bunk doing needful things ‘tween married folk.

Multiple POVs.  Sorry for the typos.


Zoe
She knew it would be a disaster, but she never imagined anything like this.  Letting Wash go on a mission.  Were they all xué xìng idiots?

She had to choose, but it wasn’t a choice, not really.  Mal could handle Niska.  Mal could handle anything. The whole Alliance didn’t scare him.  Doing business with women what shot him didn’t scare him. Reavers didn’t scare him.

Zoe knew what scared her.  All those things.  But especially Niska. Man cut Mal’s tā mā de ear off his gāisǐ head. What kind of animal does that?

But Mal lived up to her faith in him once again.  He had never been killed before, never had bits lopped off, neither, but there he was, good as knew, acting like a little boy when Simon scolded him for picking at his ear.

Zoe didn’t fix on letting that happen again.

And then there was Wash, thinking he was a man now, just like the rest of them.  Thinking one day of torture was a war story. Poor lamb.  She could never tell him the truth of that.  Never. So she’d act all impressed with him for a spell and hope he never figured it out.

Leastways he understood her belief in Mal now. Least he had it now, too.

Jayne

I hope they was all convinced enough that I didn’t want to rescue Mal.  That I’m still a selfish bastard.  That them apples was just a fluke.

Please don’t let any of them know what I done.

River
“What the shenme fengkuang de hema are you talking about?” Mal said, to cover up the feeling that set his insides writhing like snakes.  That other man had cut him up badly.  Not just his body. River knew that could heal.  But his heart was hurt, too. That might not get all the way better.

Only River knew why she scared Mal.  That first day, when she popped out like a jack-in-the-box, all cut up inside, the first thing she saw, aside from Simon, was him. Growing up in the Core, among the wealthy and powerful, she never knew that anyone hurt or pained at all.  It was poor form to have feelings like that at all, let alone to show them.

Then there was the Academy where everyone was hurt. They did it to show what was real inside.  Like the teachings of Sun Yu.  Of course his premises were deeply flawed, the product of a purblind philosophy, but no one ever believed her when she corrected canon.

Until Serenity, River never knew that there were regular people like that, all hurt and still walking around. Mal was just like her. It was like looking into a bent and faded mirror. Another person knew how much flesh the Alliance could strip from a heart but leave it beating.  And he thought he was the only one.  He could see the evidence of psychosis in the way she was acting.  It was right for him to be afraid to turn into a crazy girl.  He looked silly in a dress.

Right then, he was sad. River tried to remember how to hug someone.  On Serenity, Kaylee and Simon did all the hugging.  She did her best, but it felt odd, hugging Mal, like he didn’t know how to be hugged.  The words tangled on her tongue, the way they did now. “Terror gets you alive again. Good souls wax stronger, even in pieces.” Mal was getting scared again, so she let out the girl part of herself, giggled and ran into the passenger bunks.  “Bang, bang, bad men. See the real me.”  Hopefully, he would understand enough.

Kaylee might not comprehend.  She was always scared when things were hard, unless the captain was right there. Kaylee couldn’t do anything on her own. She trusted people.  She let them hurt her because she couldn’t imagine hurting ever anyone. River wanted to know what that felt like to be that gentle and kind inside.

River knew she had saved Kaylee and everyone else.  There really hadn’t been very much of a choice.  She couldn’t let anyone hurt Simon.  Maybe some day Kaylee could stop being so scared and start being brave inside.

Kaylee
I thought she was just a little girl, but she looked and closed her eyes and killed them, just like it were nothing.  What do I do now?  I can’t tell no one.  She’s my friend and I don’t want her to be in trouble with  Simon.  Or the Cap’n.

There he is.  He looks so unsteady, like he needs a hug.  Poor Cap’n.  I’d better tuck him in and make sure he’s okay.

Wash
What a disaster.  He could have zhēn tā mā de cried.  But he didn’t. He had helped lead a rescue instead.  Not that he knew what he were doing.

Thank all the dinosaurs of the land they called “this land” that Shepherd Book stepped up to help, that he knew about this Sun Yu character.  Not that Wash would read that bùshì wǒ tā mā de dà xiàng de pìgu.  Not after what happened.

And Zoe was acting the real little woman.  Making soup.  That was downright unsettling. Especially that Wash knew he was the real soupmaker of the pair. Hopefully she would get tired of it after a while.  He couldn’t very well complain after he had acted like such an ass.

He couldn’t blame Zoe for worshiping Mal, though.  Not now.  The man was bi chēzhé fāfēng de dà xiàng gēng qiáng and noble enough he’d never refer to the day again.

Mal was no ordinary man. Just a big goddamn hero.