Gift Challenge: BBC Sherlock: Fanfic: Fluff

[okapi1895.livejournal.com]

Title: Fluff
Fandom: BBC Sherlock
Rating: Teen
Length: 285
Content Notes: Crack, humour, AU-Different First Meeting, all dialogue, Sherlock & John
Summary: Sherlock’s a porn star with a problem. John’s a fluffer with a gift.
Author Notes: Puns intended.


“Action!”
“No, wait. I’m not ready.”
“Cut!”
“Sherlock…”
“I need a minute!”
“I gave you two. Listen, Sherlock, the studio is ready to cut you loose. They will lose a lot of money if A Study in Harlots doesn’t get made. You have a problem.”
“I need an assistant!”
“Anderson…”
“Won’t work with me. Plus, he lowers the libido of the whole set when he talks out loud. Ask Stanford.”
“The studio doc? Oh, all right.”
---
“Lestrade.”
“Stanford. I’ve got a temperamental star with a maintenance issue. What’s so funny?”
“Well, you’re the second director to say that to me today.”
---
“John Watson.”
“Sherlock Holmes. How is my brother?”
“How did you—?”
“You reek of Earl Grey-flavoured lubricant. I looked you up on the internet just now. In Los Angeles, they call you ‘Doctor Marvin Gaye.’ Any good?”
“Very good. I figure out what’s going on and help chaps who gotta keep it up to get it on. So why don’t you go to Work, I’ll take notes, and we’ll find some…”
“Sexual healing.”
---
“Stamford, I owe you. That fluffer fellow may be the making of Shercock Bones. In just one day…”
“Cut!”
“JOHN!”
“Great job, Sherlock.”
“What happens next, John?!”
“Well, we’re cuddling by the fire, the rain is pouring outside.”
“Do we have blankets, John? Are there blankets?!”
“We’ve made a blanket fort, Sherlock.”
“Oh, God, a blanket fort! Tea?”
“Cocoa.”
“COCOA!”
“So we’re cuddling in front of the fire, with our blanket fort and our cocoa. And then there’s a noise at the door.”
“Oh, God. What’s at the door, John?”
“A basket.”
“What’s in the basket, John? What’s in the basket?!”
“Places everybody! Okay! Lights, camera…”
“A calico kitten.”
“OH, GOD!”
“Action!”