Dramatical Murder: Fanfic: When Restraint Meets Desire

[sperri]

Title: When Restraint Meets Desire
Fandom: Dramatical Murder
Rating: T
Length: 1921 Words
Content notes: Set after Ren's good ending when he gets out of the hospital.
Author notes: Spoiler Alert!
Summary: Ren is having difficulty with forming his own psyche in a body that shouldn't be his, but is. Thankfully, Aoba is still his pledged partner through thick and thin, and is also well-versed when dealing with that tricky thing called Desire.

“Uh, Ren,” says Aoba from his perch just on the edge of his mattress, “what are you doing?”

Looking up from the other side of the room as he tries to squeeze into the tiny pet bed along the wall, Ren regards him with a quick hum and a tilt of his head. Although he’s more human than All-Mate now, many of his canine characteristics remain. The image of Sei’s original body, however, have completely transformed into the tall, pale sentinel of Restraint that Aoba met within his own subconscious.

“You’re not gonna fit in there and we both know it,” Aoba continues with a wry smile and pats a spot beside him. “Come over here.”

Ren shakes his head. “Unfortunately, I can no longer share your bed.”

“What?” Aoba’s eyes widen. “Why?”

“Several reasons,” Ren points out with a finger poked into the air. “One, I am no longer the size of a small All-Mate and will take up far too much room, and second…”

Aoba frowns at the way his voice trails off.

Ren clears his throat and adds, “I don’t want to inconvenience you or disrupt your sleep. All I need is a blanket and I’ll be fine.”

“That’s ridiculous. If you – “

“Aoba,” Ren interrupts him in a pleading voice that Aoba hasn’t heard in some time. “The amount of sleep you achieve each night is important to maintaining your overall health and I wouldn’t forgive myself if I were to affect it.”

Aoba sighs and rubs the back of his neck. “I can’t argue when you make that face at me, you know.”

Smiling again, Ren chuckles. “Precisely why I chose to employ it at the time.”

“I still don’t like the idea of you sleeping on the floor, though.” Sitting cross-legged on the bed, Aoba grips his ankles and thinks for a moment. “If you slept on the couch, Grandma would most probably wake you at some ungodly hour, too.”

Ren’s ears twitch at the sound of fingers snapping and he watches Aoba get up from bed with a pep in his step. He pulls a crumpled vinyl mess out of the closet and an electric pump with it.

“Until you’re ready to sleep in my bed, you can use the air mattress!” Aoba declares and spreads it out over the floor. “Koujaku sometimes uses it when he stays over.”

“Oh, I remember,” Ren murmurs and shrinks away from it. The way he stares back at it disdainfully amuses Aoba and he tries his best not to laugh. “Beni accidentally popped a hole in it one night and the noises it made were awful. I’ll never forget that ceaseless hissing.”

Snorting and laughing, Aoba connects the pump’s nozzle to the mattress and plugs the cord into an outlet nearby. “You can use my headphones to drown out the noise, then. They’re up by the keyboard.”

Ren clambers over boxes of junk to the desk and retrieves the item in question, securing it over his pointed ears as best he can.

“Ready?” asks Aoba, waving to him.

Nodding, Ren clamps his hands over both headphones and grimaces. As he watches Aoba, that curious warmth begins swelling within the pit of his stomach again and it takes every shred of willpower he possesses not to pounce on him. The consideration that Aoba shows him is far more than anyone ever would have given in regards to an All-Mate.

Which he no longer is, he seems to keep forgetting.

This fleshy vessel’s urges are foreign to him and the bizarre cravings that just the sight of Aoba awaken within him are frightening.

“All done!” announces Aoba as he unplugs the pump from the wall. “Ren, are you there? Yoo-hoo?”

Ren blinks a few times and smiles hesitantly. “Y-Yes, of course. Thank you for preparing my bed.”

The air mattress feels as awful as it sounds, Ren cringes, as he climbs onto it and pulls the blanket over himself. He catches Aoba’s concerned expression out of the corner of his eye and smiles to reassure him.

“G’night, then,” Aoba says softly and smiles back at him. “Sweet dreams.”

Ren whispers back to him, “Sleep well.”

As the days drag into weeks, Ren finds his urges growing and misses the feel of Aoba’s arms around him while he slumbers. He yearns to retakes his rightful place in Aoba’s bed, but for fear of what he may due in such close proximity to him with this new body keeps him grounded.

Restraint is difficult as a human, Ren concludes.

It’s a dark, rainy night when Ren attempts to satisfy some measure of curiosity. Aoba snoozes peacefully as he creeps next to his bedside in the dark of the room to admire his face. They say that everyone looks peaceful while they sleep and Aoba is no exception.

“I never realized how beautiful you are,” murmurs Ren into the quiet surrounding them, lifting his hand to lightly trace Aoba’s jawline. “Koujaku always bragged about how angelic you looked in your sleep and…”

Ren sighs and withdraws his hand.

Coward, he chides himself and flops back onto the carpet with a soft thud. What are you so afraid of?

Desire is a frightful thing.

The thousand ‘what-if’ scenarios flip through Ren’s mind like a film reel; what if he hurt Aoba? What if Aoba rejects him outright and professes his love for another? What if he takes things too far and scares him off? Makes him hate the sight of him so much that he wishes to never see him again?

“Ren.”

Gasping, Ren snaps his head up and finds himself eye-to-eye with the object of those affections.

“Don’t you think it’s time we talk about this?” Aoba asks sleepily, sitting up to lean on his fist. “I can’t stand seeing you suffer like this. Please, tell me what’s up.”

“I…” Ren starts in a hoarse voice. “You see, there are these strange sensations I’ve been experiencing since transferring my consciousness into Sei’s body.”

Aoba pushes himself into a sitting position and nods. “And?”

“I already possessed a desire to keep you from harm and see to your general happiness as an All-Mate,” Ren explains, finding it difficult to form coherent words with those big, beautiful blue eyes staring back at him. “Those feelings have intensified since the events at Oval Tower. I…”

A blush creeps into Aoba’s cheeks, but it’s too dark in the room to notice.

“I become more greedy by the day. Your time, attention, and body,” Ren finally confesses, lifting himself off the carpet to stand before Aoba instead. “I want all of them.”

Aoba inhales sharply through his nose.

“I want all of you,” Ren clarifies and takes his hands. “It’s a terrifying feeling.”

Closing his hands over Ren’s, Aoba finally understands and smiles gently back at him this time. “Well, you are the embodiment of my Restraint, so I guess Desire would be a scary thing for you. That’s how I felt when I met him for the first time.”

Ren trembles and asks, “How did you come to terms with him?”

“I’m still struggling with it, to be honest,” Aoba says in spite of himself. “I take things one day at a time, too. It’s not a change you can make overnight.”

“I – “

“I feel the same about you,” Aoba catches Ren before he can make another wild assumption about how wrong his desire must be. Ren’s dark eyes are wide as he stares back at Aoba. “You’ll always be my cherished partner. It’s just a little different now that we’re, um…”

Ren is flushed up to the cute points of his ears. “Lovers? Is that humans call it?”

Aoba coughs into his hand and stammers, “Boyfriend, Ren. You’d be my boyfriend.”

“Ah, the modern term for it,” Ren muses and relaxes a little more. He drops to one knee and holds Aoba’s hand in his, asking formally, “Would you do me the honor of becoming my boyfriend, then?”

He’s been watching too many soaps with Grandma, Aoba decides with a rough gulp and feels his face become even hotter. His heart struggles to free itself of his chest and he nods shyly, grinning a little. “Of course.”

Ren presses his lips to Aoba’s knuckles and lingers there a moment, savoring the warmth beneath his lips and finding strange delight in the way they tremble from his touch. Still, he remembers to keep Desire in check lest it consume him and he releases Aoba’s hand.

“May I share your bed?” he asks earnestly.

Aoba takes him by the wrists and guides him over instead. Ren climbs in beside him and they both lie down, and Aoba adjusts the pillow to accommodate the both of them.

“That answer your question?” Aoba teases him in spite of feeling so flustered from the way Ren propositioned him. “We don’t have to do anything tonight or tomorrow, either. When we’re both ready, we’ll know, and then we can take things to the next step.”

Excited suddenly, Ren moves closer so that his body is flush up against Aoba’s and he wraps his arms around him. “You used to hold me like this.”

“Mm-hm…” Aoba hums in a drowsy haze as Ren gently strokes his hair, careful not to harm him. He shifts around in Ren’s embrace to look up at him “Can I, uh, get a kiss goodnight?”

It’s all right, Ren can hear Desire whispering to him. Just be gentle with him for now. Give in a little.

With a shuddering breath, Ren leans down and presses his lips to Aoba’s. They’re so warm and wet that he can’t help sliding in a little closer. A fruity tang remains on Aoba’s tongue as it mingles with Ren’s, most likely from that energy drink he consumed earlier, and Ren yearns to taste him deeper. His hands clamp over either side of Aoba’s face to keep him still while he ravages his mouth, chasing after that high.

“Mmph!”

Ren lets go when he feels Aoba beat on his chest and he does so with a ragged gasp, “D-Did I hurt you? Are you all right?”

“T-Take it easy,” Aoba says with haggard breaths of his own as he tries to catch up with his hammering heart and lungs. “You just went a little harder than I anticipated.”

“I’m sorry,” Ren apologizes profusely and frowns. “I knew this wouldn’t work. I – “

Aoba pulls him in for a kiss this time and effectively shuts him up. It’s more tender than the last and he releases Ren with a wet pop of their lips. His smile lightens the mood a little also. “Stop that. You were just acting on your desire to love me, right?”

Ren repeats the word, “Love?”

“Yeah. That’s what it’s called,” Aoba says and reaches up to smooth Ren’s bangs from his eyes. “When you care for someone the way you and I do, it’s called love. That’s what being a boyfriend means.”

See? Ren hears Desire tease him. Giving into temptation isn’t so bad.

Ren smiles warmly and whispers, “I think that’s enough for one night. You need your rest.”

“Mm…” Aoba murmurs and rubs his cheek against Ren’s t-shirt. “I missed having you here in bed with me. You were always so warm.”

“Goodnight, Aoba,” Ren bids him with a quick kiss to his forehead as he gently moves his bangs aside. “Pleasant dreams.”

The way Aoba’s arms tighten around him make Ren’s human heart flutter.